[on Bartlet's slight to Ritchie] Why do you think this one's so hard to spin?
'Cause it's the classic Washington scandal. We screwed up by telling the truth.
All right. Let's try not to do that too much.
“The U.S. Poet Laureate” · Season 3
In this episode: C.J. Cregg (5), Josh Lyman (3), Josiah Bartlet (1), Toby Ziegler (1), Sam Seaborn (1)
TFTabatha Fortis
Nice office.
Exactly sixty-three feet from the Oval Office. If you don't think we measure, you're out of your mind.
By the way, my Princeton Tigers could whip your Cal Bears any day of the week.
At what?
Logarithms possibly.
Let me explain something to you. This is sort of my field. The people on these sites? They're the cast of One Flew over the Cuckoo's Nest. The muu-muu-wearing Parliament smoker? That's Nurse Ratched. When Nurse Ratched is unhappy, the patients are unhappy. You? You're McMurphy. You swoop in with your card games and fishing trips -
I didn't swoop in, I came in the exact same way everyone else did.
Well, now I'm telling you to open the wardroom window and climb on out before they give you a pre-frontal lobotomy and I have to smother you with a pillow.
[pause] You're...?
[nodding] I'm Chief Bromden, yes, at this particular moment. I'm assigning an intern from the press office to that website. They're going to check it every night before they go home. If they discover you've been there I'm going to shove a motherboard so far up your ass - What?
Technically, I outrank you...
So far up your ass!
Okay.
Okay.
TFTabatha Fortis
You think I think that an artist's job is to speak the truth. An artist's job is to captivate you for however long we've asked for your attention. If we stumble into truth, we got lucky, and I don't get to decide what truth is.
[about his fan website] C.J., it's a... crazy place. It's got this dictatorial leader, who I'm sure wears a muumuu and chain smokes Parliaments.
What did you go there for in the first place?
It's called LemonLyman.com.
Let me explain something to you. This is sort of my field. The people on these sites? They're the cast of One Flew over the Cuckoo's Nest. The muu-muu-wearing Parliament smoker? That's Nurse Ratched. When Nurse Ratched is unhappy, the patients are unhappy. You? You're McMurphy. You swoop in with your card games and fishing trips -
I didn't swoop in, I came in the exact same way everyone else did.
Well, now I'm telling you to open the wardroom window and climb on out before they give you a pre-frontal lobotomy and I have to smother you with a pillow.
[pause] You're...?
[nodding] I'm Chief Bromden, yes, at this particular moment. I'm assigning an intern from the press office to that website. They're going to check it every night before they go home. If they discover you've been there I'm going to shove a motherboard so far up your ass - What?
Technically, I outrank you...
So far up your ass!
Okay.
Okay.
I've been meaning to tell you, you've done really well this week with the open-mike thing.
Thank you.
Didn't turn out too bad.
No sir, it didn't turn out too bad at all. In fact, the whole country's talking about whether Ritchie's smart enough to be President. And you didn't take a hit, 'cause it was an accident. You know, it occurs to me that even your choice of language was interesting. "A .22 caliber mind, in a .357 magnum world." That's unusual for you, a gun metaphor. Toby mentioned to me that when each interview was over, all the interviewers wanted to talk to you about was Ritchie, and you took a pass each time. Until Philadelphia.
[Bartlet slowly looks up at her.]
Mr. President, is it possible you saw that the green light was on?
...
[smiles] That was Old School.
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