Jordan quotes from The West Wing

Leo

I'm an alcoholic. I don't have one drink. [pauses] I don't understand people who have one drink. I don't understand people who leave half a glass of wine on the table. I don't understand people who say they've had enough. How can you have enough of feeling like this? How can you not want to feel like this longer? [pauses, sighs] My brain works differently.

I don't understand how you could have a drink. I don't understand how, after everything you worked for, how on that day of all days you could be so stupid.

Leo

That's because you think it has something to do with smart and stupid. Do you have any idea how many alcoholics are in Mensa? You think it's a lack of willpower? That's like thinking somebody with anorexia nervosa has an overdeveloped sense of vanity. My father was an alcoholic. His father was an alcoholic. So, in my case...

[nods] Ain't nothin' but a family thing.

Leo

Okay. Well, I'll just call the President and suggest to him that he allow a huge bipartisan vote on the floor of the U.S. House of Representatives calling him a liar and that he welcome the result. Then, I'm going to flap my wings and fly to Neverland.

Leo–

Leo

You think I am so desperate to save my ass, I'm gonna roll over on Jed Bartlet?

I don't think it's a matter of–

Leo

I take a bullet for the President. He doesn't take one for me.

It's a non-binding resolution. Do you know what that means?

Leo

No, could you tell me, 'cause I've really started to take an interest in government lately.

Do you know how much force and effect it has?

Leo

Jordan...

None. No force and effect. The following is a sampling of non-binding joint resolutions from the 106th Congress.

Leo

I have a meeting.

A resolution in support of Ohio's state motto. A resolution fostering friendship and cooperation with the people of Mongolia.

Leo

I have a meeting.

A resolution recognizing the contributions of Bristol, Tennessee, to the development of country music.

Leo

I'm sorry, I have a budget meeting.

A resolution in support of Little League baseball.

Leo

Jordan...

A resolution recogniz...

Leo

This isn't that! This is five hundred and thirty-five Congressmen and Senators standing up and saying the President lied and should be ashamed of himself. And this is us, standing up and saying 'You're right.' This would be the first time in history a President has been censured. Congress isn't talk radio – it's the seat of democracy. Their opinion matters, and their condemnation doesn't have to come with handcuffs to be devastating to this President. That is the force and effect. And it's not gonna happen 'cause of me.

All I meant by 'cloak and dagger' is that I'm not cut out for the security meetings and the secret this and the back channel ambassadors. It's like you're in the Mafia.

Leo

Well, it may be like I'm in the Mafia, but I'm not. I work for the good guys.

It was one sentence. The problem was that you were never at the other end of the phone.

Leo

That's an entirely different kettle of beans and we can have that discussion, but history has shown if you just wait and tell it to a divorce lawyer you can have half of my stuff.

I don't want your stuff.

Leo

You don't know; some of it's good stuff.