Alaric Saltzman quotes from The Vampire Diaries

So you don’t remember anything that happened?

Alaric

No, it’s like I blacked out and woke up three days later... Katherine was there.

She's under compulsion. Damon snuck her some vervain, but she can't leave until Klaus tells her she can.

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I screwed up.

Alaric

Yeah. Yeah, you did.

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Any reason you stopped by to say 'hi'?

Klaus

I'm told you and your brother fancy my doppelganger. Just thought I'd remind you not to do anything you'll regret.

Ha! Thanks for the advice. I don't suppose I could talk you into a postponement, by any chance, huh?

Klaus

You're kidding. (looks to Alaric) He's kidding right?

Alaric

No, not really.

I mean, come on, what's one month in the whole grand scheme of things?

Klaus

Let me be clear... I have my vampire. I have my werewolf. I have everything I need. The ritual will happen tonight. So if you want to live to see tomorrow, don't screw it up.

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Alaric

You're going to screw it up, aren't you?

You think if I took his werewolf out of the equation, she might..."get over" the fact that I tried to turn her into a vampire?

Alaric

I think it won't matter because you'll be dead.

But without the werewolf, he can't perform the ritual tonight, which means I would have bought her one month before the next full moon.

Alaric

And you'll still be dead.

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Damon (to Elena): (carrying Elena's lifeless body) If you come back a vampire, I'll stake you myself. So don't. (sets her down) Also...I can’t stand the idea of you hating me forever.

Jeremy

How is she?

I don't know yet.

Alaric

And Jenna?

(shakes his head)

Alaric

No...

I'm sorry, Jeremy.

(Elena gasps, coming back to life)

Damon...?

How do you feel?

(slowly nods) I feel fine...

(Damon breathes huge sigh of relief)

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Alaric (on the phone): (drunk) Sorry, you’ve reached someone who’s currently not operating.

I need your help.

Alaric

Well, you must have me confused with somebody else. You see, I'm not allowed to help - just idly sit by while my girlfriend gets sacrificed on an altar of blood.

Damon's dying.

Alaric

...What?

Tyler Lockwood bit him. We don't have much time.

Alaric

What do you need?

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My subconscious is haunting me, Ric. Please tell me you have something for that.

Alaric

Double shot.

That's good.

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You should want me dead. I’m the reason Jenna got killed.

Alaric

I don’t blame you for Jenna.

Oh sure you do. Let’s not forget, I turned your wife into a vampire. You must really hate me for that one.

Alaric

OK, give me your glass. Neither one of us is drunk enough for this conversation.

(grabs Alaric by the throat) Kill me. Please.

Alaric

Screw you. (stabs him with vervain dart)

No... (falls over) Elena?

Alaric

Elena's not here, Damon.

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Alaric

(sees bloody corpses) Ugh. Vampire, for sure.

Stefan, for sure.

Alaric

How do you know?

It's his signature; there's a reason they call him "the ripper." Feeds so hard he blacks out and rips them apart, but then when he's done, he feels remorse. It's the damndest thing - he puts the bodies back together.

Alaric

"Back together"?

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Alaric

I am every parent's worst nightmare. I am the chaperone teacher from hell.

I love high school parties.

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Get out of the water, Elena.

If I get out of the water, you're gonna make me go home.

Yes, because I'm not an idiot, like you.

Alaric

Right now you're both acting like idiots.

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How you doing?

(panting from exertion) Fine.

You know, I could help you.

No, thanks.

Just one little 'fwoosh'... (indicates jump to the top of the mountain)

Yeah, with my luck, you'd drop me.

Alaric

What are you guys, twelve?

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(Elena trips and falls)

Don't move.

( Elena looks up; she is face-to-face with a werewolf)

Here, doggy doggy... (wolf runs after him; both disappear)

Alaric

Come on, let's keep moving.

We can't leave Damon!

Alaric

He can handle himself, let's move.

No. If he gets bit, he'll be dead. I'm the reason he's out here!

Alaric

I am the reason he's out here. I told him where we were, and I'm telling you to keep moving. Let's go, Elena! Now!

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Stefan's out there somewhere, and now Damon, and we're just sitting in this car?

Alaric

Let the vampires fight the hybrid zombie mountain-man. I'll take care of keeping the humans safe.

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Alaric

Oh, boy. Are you a sucker for a lost cause, or what?

You're not a lost cause, Ric! You're just...lost. But so is Jeremy. And so am I. Our family is gone. We don't have anybody and, I'm sorry, but you don't have anybody either, so...we're kind of good for each other.