Damon Salvatore quotes from The Vampire Diaries

Alaric

This was a real dead-end.

Damon

I wouldn't beat myself up over it, man. What did you think you were gonna find? Isobel with a cigar and slippers?

Alaric

(laughs) Oh man, I-- I gotta stop this. I can't keep searching for her.

Damon

Really? After only two years? That's actually...moderately healthy.

Alaric

What are you goin' on — a hundred and forty-six?

Damon

I figured the two hundred mark is probably a good stopping point.

Damon

She charmed me, your wife, Isobel. She talked a good game, man - she was smart. She had this excitement in her eyes... I probably should've known there was something different about her; some tie to Katherine. There had to be some reason I didn't kill her...

Alaric

That's enough, Damon, I don't wanna hear anymore. I just don't want to waste anymore of my life searching for answers I really don't want.

Damon

Ugh. God. You're still here?

Elena

Were you expecting anything else?

Damon

Nope. (sighs and takes a seat)

Elena

So, how was the "errand"?

Damon

Futile. Although I think I witnessed the teacher having an existential crisis. Has Stefan eaten yet?

Elena

I thought you didn't care.

Damon

Chalk it up to morbid curiosity.

Elena

I think he's getting there. But he's got a lot of guilt that he has to deal with, and it doesn't help that you've spent the last hundred and forty-five years punishing him for Katherine getting caught.

Damon

This is my fault now?

Elena

No, it's no one's fault, Damon, I'm just...saying...you're not exactly innocent. You've made it your life's mission to make him miserable.

Damon

(stands up) Let me ask you a question. In all this important soul-searching and cleansing of the demons of Stefan's past, did you ever manage to get the rest of the story?

Elena

He said there was more...

Damon

Yeah. That's an understatement.

Stefan

Thank you.

Damon

No, Stefan, thank you. You're back on Bambi blood, and I'm the big, bad-ass brother again. All's right in the world.

Stefan

No, I mean it. Thank you, for helping her take care of me.

Damon

You brood too much. Everything on this planet's not your fault - my actions, what I do, it's not your fault. I own them - they belong to me. You are not allowed to feel my guilt.

Stefan

You feel guilt?

Damon

If I wanted to. It's there.

Stefan

Why didn't you tell me?

Damon

'Cause I didn't want you to know. 'Cause I hated you, and I still do.

Stefan

I know.

Damon

...But not because you forced me to turn.

Stefan

Then why...?

Damon

(pause) Because she turned you, too. It was just supposed to be me, Stefan. Just me.

Damon

You successfully cured him of anything interesting about his personality.

Elena

Remember who helped me.

Damon

I hate myself.

Alaric

Damon. Thanks for coming.

Damon

Sorry I'm late. The dog ate my, uh...nevermind.

Damon

Did you ask her about uncle John? Are they working together?

Alaric

No.

Damon

No, they're not?

Alaric

No, I didn't ask.

Damon

What about the invention?

Alaric

Didn't ask.

Damon

Does she know about the tomb vampires?

Alaric

I don't know.

Damon

Did words completely escape you?

Alaric

No, I was a little too distracted by my dead vampire wife to ask any questions!

Alaric

She threatened to go on a killing spree.

Damon

Oh. I take it that's...not...okay with you guys?

Damon

We should be in there...

Alaric

No, Isobel made it clear we're not to step a foot inside.

Damon

I'm not going to kill her in a crowded restaurant.

Alaric

You're not going to kill her, period!

Damon

No guilt and shame. I mean, come on - if you could turn it off, wouldn't you?

Alaric

You haven't.

Damon

(scoffs) Course I have, Ric. It's why I'm so fun to be around.

Damon

(slams Isobel down on the floor by her throat) Now that I have your attention, listen up. You do not come into my town, threaten people I care about. Going after Elena? Bad move. You leave her alone or I'll rip you to bits, because I do believe in killing the messenger. And you know why? Because it sends a message. (picks her head up and slams it back into the floor)

Isobel

Unh!

Damon

Katherine wants something from me, you tell that little bitch to come get it herself.

Damon

Are you even up for this? I mean, no offense, you're no Emily Bennett. Emily knew what she was doing.

Bonnie

I've been practicing.

Damon

It's not piano lessons, honey.

Stefan

Well, I know that you and Elena have bonded, and I know that she cares about you, and...I know you care about her.

Damon

Well, this is going in an interesting direction.

Stefan

I'm just concerned about Elena being hurt. She considers you...a friend.

Damon

Same here. Elena is a very good friend. Actually, she might qualify as my only..."friend."