[about to demonstrate a pickpocket's technique] I'd like to meet the man who can get inside my trousers.
S1The Queen's Birthday Present
RVRobbery Victim
"What's been taken?" My self-respect, my peace of mind, my sense of well-being...
Could you describe these items please, sir?
The point of Biggles and of Sherlock Holmes is to solve crimes and kill Germans, and by heavens, that should be enough for any man!
S1Fire and Terror
[tipsy, speaking to her fireman date] Are you not coming in for a coffee? I've got a packet of condoms...I mean, biscuits.
DMDrunk Man
I have the right to a lawyer and a bucket.
S1Honey Trap
[about a supposed local criminal]
He's slippery. Like an owl.
I was captain of a pub-quiz side once, sir.
Were you really?
Oh yes! I remember telling the lads before our first match, "Memory and detail; let those be our by-words. Memory, memory, memory, detail, detail, detail!"
Well, excellent advice, Gladstone. And how did your team fare?
I don't know; I forgot where the pub was.
(Habib staying in character for her Honey Trap operation)
Hello gorgeous, ooh I love a man in a uniform! *gasp* Is that a truncheon in your pocket or are you just pleased to see me? (blows Goody a kiss)
(almost unable to speak) Actually, it's a Mars Bar.
S1Rag Week
I've always attempted to keep a mature outlook, but I cannot deny there have been lapses; I once possessed a whoopie cushion. I never deployed it, of course, but the capacity was there.
[Grim, having arrested a group of students on a Rag Week stunt, has asked Habib to process them. While she does this, Fowler addresses them.]
Look at you. I can scarcely believe my eyes. The future of Britain, the cream of a proud nation. God help us! Do you honestly think that any halfway decent Japanese company's going to want to give any of you lot a job? When Mr Mitsubishi is asking himself, "Where shall I construct our new generation of small family hatchbacks?", do you think he's going to say, "I know. We'll go to Britain, where the academic elite are a bunch of idiots in tutus and gorilla masks?" Or will he go to continental Europe, where young people wear Benetton tops and respect authority? Did you ever think of that? Well, I suggest you buck up your ideas, or before long Britain's name will be mud, or worse it'll be Italy. You're not worth charging, just shove off. [they leave; to Goody and Habib] I weep for our country, I really do. Do you know that 12-year-olds in Holland and Belgium can already speak fluent English?
They're no cleverer than British children, sir. My niece is only 10, and she can speak fluent English.
[berating Goody] Your head is just something you keep your hat on, isn't it?
S1Night Shift
[About the term "joy-riding"]
"Joy-riding" is not a term I will allow in my station. Crime is crime, and should not be trivialised. What next? Are we to refer to grievous bodily harm as "fun punching?" Assault with a deadly weapon as "laugh and a stab?"
S1Night Shift
We are not the first, and we won't be the last, couple to have problems with our sex life.
We do not have problems.
We do not have a sex life!
In which case, I really don't see how there can be a problem with it.
S1Night Shift
Local delinquents nick the cars and flog 'em on to Mr. Big. He's out there somewhere - a fat cat spinning his web with his tentacles in every pie.
KKray
Shouldn't be too difficult to spot then.
S1Kids Today
[Fowler is discussing how teenagers could use their spare time]
Completing a model of the Forth Bridge - that's what ecstasy is! It makes me sad to see these children today, with their drugs and sex and music, they'll never know the joy a young lad could have sitting alone in his room... With his tool in his hand... tightening his little nuts.
When I was a boy scout back in Trinidad, they taught us how to light a fire with a stick and a piece of string... I could never understand why, because I found it a lot easier to use matches.
These quotes come from Wikiquote's The Thin Blue Line pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.