Goody quotes from The Thin Blue Line

"What's been taken?" My self-respect, my peace of mind, my sense of well-being...

Goody

Could you describe these items please, sir?

Habib

Hello gorgeous, ooh I love a man in a uniform! *gasp* Is that a truncheon in your pocket or are you just pleased to see me? (blows Goody a kiss)

Goody

(almost unable to speak) Actually, it's a Mars Bar.

Fowler

Look at you. I can scarcely believe my eyes. The future of Britain, the cream of a proud nation. God help us! Do you honestly think that any halfway decent Japanese company's going to want to give any of you lot a job? When Mr Mitsubishi is asking himself, "Where shall I construct our new generation of small family hatchbacks?", do you think he's going to say, "I know. We'll go to Britain, where the academic elite are a bunch of idiots in tutus and gorilla masks?" Or will he go to continental Europe, where young people wear Benetton tops and respect authority? Did you ever think of that? Well, I suggest you buck up your ideas, or before long Britain's name will be mud, or worse it'll be Italy. You're not worth charging, just shove off. [they leave; to Goody and Habib] I weep for our country, I really do. Do you know that 12-year-olds in Holland and Belgium can already speak fluent English?

Goody

They're no cleverer than British children, sir. My niece is only 10, and she can speak fluent English.

Fowler

[berating Goody] Your head is just something you keep your hat on, isn't it?

Goody

Dead sexy, knickers and a bra. I was that embarrassed buying them, I had to say they were for me.

There's only one set of underwear a girl wants at Christmas: yours. You hitch up your boxers and say "There's the wrapping, doll. The present's inside!" (laughs and leaves)

Goody

I think I'm gonna be sick...

Gladstone

Oh it's alright, son. You know fellas that talk about it most do it least. I know. I talk about it all the time. And I haven't had any since the days of Harold Wilson.

Goody

I never knew you were in a gay relationship!

Gladstone

What are you talking about?

Goody

This bloke Harold Wilson that you were having it with.

Gladstone

Kevin, he was the Prime Minister!

Goody

Blimey! And you an ordinary copper! You did do well.

Habib

Well it is Christmas. How about calling him Noel?

Goody

That is a great idea, because Noel Edmonds is the spirit of Christmas, isn't he?

Fowler

You're lying, Constable! The evidence you have presented to support your case is so contemptibly slight and circumstantial, one is forced to think it may be no more than a tissue of lies. A corrupt concoction. Well? WELL?!

Fowler

Goody, you are supposed to fix me with a steady manly stare, not snivel like a Frenchman who's caught his baguette in his bicycle spokes.

Goody

(tearfully) I can't help it, sir. You're being so mean!

Fowler

Look, this is an exercise. Do you know what an exercise is?

Goody

It's a running-jumping sort of thing.

Habib

Which came first: the chicken, or the egg?

Goody

I know, I know!

Fowler

Do you, Goody? Then what is the answer?

Goody

Because it wanted to get to the other side.

Goody

Right. Standing to one side now. Purpose: to avoid scaring silly old sod to death if not pop-clogs already. [gets flustered] Tango... er, Gemma. Angels one-five, bandits at six o'clock - dive, dive, dive!

Fowler

(on the radio) Shut up, Goody!

Goody

Oh, wouldn't that be nice! I love a wedding! Except for the bit where the vicar asks if anyone has any objections. Makes me so tense. I always think, "God, I hope I don't say something!" Because you easily could, couldn't you? You know, if you suddenly went mad or something.

Gladstone

You know, I did object at a wedding once.

Goody

You didn't!

Gladstone

Oh yes. I said, "The groom is a drinker and a philanderer."

Goody

OH NO! What did the groom say?

Gladstone

I just told you. It was the only way at the time that I could think of getting out of it!

Goody

So she turned you down. Like an old duvet.

Fowler

I was so sure of my ground. It must have been something about the way I proposed to her.

Gladstone

It can't be any worse than when I did it. It took ten bottles of Guinness to get my courage up.

Goody

Do you go down on one knee?

Gladstone

I went down on all fours.