(John Duggan, a press officer at the conference, arrives at Nicola's room to introduce himself to Nicola and her team.)
Howdy Doody, Minister. I'm John Duggan, your press officer at the conference.
Oh, hello. Nicola Murray, hi.
How was your holiday?
Ah, well, you know, we wanted to go to Florida but Malcolm 'suggested' we went to Suffolk, and so the kids were miserable, weather was miserable, and Malcolm rang and shouted at me for looking miserable.
I saw the photo of you, in the wellies next to the horse. 'Why the long face?' It was funny. (Nicola looks up, unimpressed) Or not, depending on your perspective. Still, things are looking up: you're in Eastbourne now, which really is the jewel in the crown of our shit seaside resorts. Clacton of the South West, they call it.
(Nicola is trying to get John to push through the press a story about Peter Mannion taking a second holiday, which would put Peter in a negative light.)
John, are you across this thing about, um, Peter Mannion lining up a second holiday?
Um, Mannion, right, yeah.
Peter Mannion, my opposite number, you know?
Yes.
Okay, good. So you're going to push that for the press for me, yeah? 'Cause I just want to remind people that while he's criticizing us over the recession, he's, you know, swanning around on his friend's massive yacht.
Oh, okay. "He's gay."
Oh, for fuck...
No, not gay.
It's a hypocrisy thing.
(stammering) Yeah, well, I mean, in-in-in in principle, yeah. But it-it it is conference, so my to-do list is longer than a big willy.
John, without wishing to sound blunt...Um, actually, you know what? Fuck it, let's sound blunt. (bluntly) It is your job.
I'll do what I can. That is a Duggan promise.
(John leaves the room.)
He's not gonna do it, is he?
Absolutely fucking useless.
He's completely not gonna do it.
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