Malcolm (to Robyn): You are going to bury this Watford arseache tonight, OK? 'Cause tomorrow morning, from broadsheets to wank rags, I want page one, two and three to be a profile of Tom looking like a fucking political colossus, you know: Tom meeting the Pope, Tom in an NHS hospital chatting to little, baldie kiddies. I want pages four and five to be a timeline of the last few years in British politics with me at the centre, looking fucking indispensable, and fucking benign. And I want page six to be fucking – Israel or some bullshit, not a fucking DOSAC, DIPSHIT, LEGACY-DISTRACTING COCK-UP!
Right, um, Jamie. Look, I just have to say at this point that I do find him just a little bit frightening.
Relax, he has never hit anyone. Or at least, anyone he has hit has never had the balls to take it to a superior. (Robyn still looks terrified) It's a fucking joke. It's a joke, OK? The man is a professional, you will be fine.
Actually, Malcolm? We still have no word on Dan Miller. I mean, he's gone dark, he's not answering his phone –
Maybe he's in a hotel with his own huddle. Ring around, try and find him.
What, ring every hotel in London and ask if Dan Miller's booked in?
Yeah! Although he could be using an assumed name.
So you want me to ring round every hotel in London, and ask if anyone, of any name, has booked in?
Well it will keep you busy, you know, you need to keep the mind active at your age.
OK, the line is: wildcat walkout, we'll be talking to the unions, it's too early to comment. Off the record: er, union Neanderthals with brains the size of children's bogies couldn't take the heat of Hugh Abbot's ring-stinging, shit-hot, public sector reforms, but he's flying back like Harrison Ford with a big whip in one hand and a skinny latte in the other and he's gonna whip six shades of shit out of them and save the world, OK?
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