(Amidst all the chaos swirling after the announcement of the PM's surprise resignation, Ollie's cell phone rings. It's Angela Heaney.)
(answering his phone) Angela, hello.
Ollie. How are you?
I am tickety-fuckety-boo, thank you very much.
Sorry?
Tickety-fuckety-boo. It's just something that Ben says.
Are you and Ben Swain big buds, then?
Well, you know...Just, could you...
(Ollie has to get away from Glenn, because Glenn is talking to Hugh on his cell phone.)
(to Angela) Hang on just a second...
(Ollie walks away from the action...and then resumes his conversation with Angela.)
(in a quieter voice) Things are just a little bit fluid here and Glenn's not really a big Ben fan. Ben Swain obviously, not the clock. Well, it's not the clock, is it? It's the bell that's called Big Ben.
So go on, tell me: Who else is running?
(in the men's toilets) Well, no one. No one's gonna stand against Tom now, surely, it's going to be unopposed. (Starts using the urinal) They'll be rebranding him as we speak, I would imagine: new hair, Ted Baker teeth, all the modern trappings of your political leader –
Ollie! Are you pissing?
Er no, that's the flush of the automatic urinals, it's a gentlemen's lavatory.
I don't want to talk to you while you're holding your penis.
Well, that's not what you used to say, Angela.
Er, yes it is.
No, well – actually it is precisely what you used to say.
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