Malcolm, Jamie and others in “The Rise Of The Nutters”

Oh hey, hello, here he is! The walk of shame.

You never told us you had epilepsy of the eyes. Was that a sweat, or were you crying?

Have I seen you on the telly?

(laughs) Yeah. Blockbuster, 1991, I got a Gold Run.

You know what, I have never seen anyone sweat so much in my life. And I've had a sauna with Pavarotti! I know that politicians and hot air are supposed to go together, but I've never actually seen one vapourise!

Can I get you two fellows a drink?

An orange juice, yeah, yes.

Jamie?

Oh, I'll have a pint of 'Fuck right off and die, you miserable fucking tosser'. Do they do that in here?

He's a wee bit disappointed.

We'll get you on Newsround next time. You reflected badly on me, and I don't like that.

Oh come on, Jamie, look, I'll get you a drink and then we'll –

DO YOU WANT A FUCKING SPLINTER GLASS FACIAL? I'm not pretending to hate you here, I actually fucking hate you! I'm not playing a fucking game. Fuck off! (leaves)

He trained as a priest.