TV QuotesDatabase
ON AIR

The Thick Of It

Hugh, Factory Woman and others in “Series 2, Episode 1”

(Hugh, Robyn, and Glenn arrive at the factory for their visit. Hugh gets out of the car first so he can say hello to the factory's employees.)

Hello. Hello, Hugh Abbot. Nice to meet you. Hello.

(But as soon as he starts saying hello to the employees, Hugh is caught off guard by a surprise confrontation from one of the workers!)

Do you know what it's like to clean up your own mother's piss?

I'm sorry?

Do you? I mean, she was in that home for 16 weeks. Do you know what it's like to clean up your own mother's piss?

That's, that's, that's very tough, isn't it? That's very, very tough, and our hearts, all our hearts, go out to you.

But do you know what it's like to get down and clean up your own mother's piss?

I-I think that I'm probably not the right person to talk to about this.

Who do I talk to?

Urinary and affairs like that are probably more, more Health. So anyway, lovely to talk to you...

(Hugh turns his attention away from the woman and towards the factory, talking to a factory supervisor.)

What a fantastic -- What a fantastic landscaping! I really do think it makes an enormous difference to the workplace when you have this relationship with...

(But the Factory Woman won't let up.)

But is that your answer? Is that your answer?

Can I just say, we'll get someone to, to note your, your case and do what we can about it.

You'll get someone to note my case?! Nobody's noted my case!

(And when she sees Hugh touching her arm, she REALLY gets livid!)

STOP IT DON'T TOUCH ME! WHAT ARE YOU TOUCHING ME FOR? YOU DON'T KNOW ME! YOU DON'T EVEN WANT TO KNOW ME, DO YOU?

(stammering) I know, I do want, I would like to get to know you. I've just...

OH, WHY ARE YOU WALKING AWAY FROM ME, THEN? Would you like to know the facts? I'll tell you about the facts.

The minister would love to know the facts.

There are two qualified nurses out of all those care assistants. Only two!

(to Hugh, quietly) Give her a smile...

The rest are only kids!

(Hugh gives the Factory Woman a sheepish smile, but that just makes the situation worse...)

WHAT ARE YOU SMILING AT? WHY ARE YOU DOING THAT? DO YOU THINK IT'S FUNNY? DO YOU THINK I'M FUNNY? DO YOU THINK MY MOTHER'S PISS IS FUNNY? WELL, IT'S NOT FUNNY! SHE'S NOT LAUGHING! SHE'S PISSING HERSELF! I'M NOT LAUGHING! I'M CRYING!

More from this episode

All quotes from this episode →

More The Thick Of It quotes · These quotes come from Wikiquote's The Thick Of It pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.