(Malcolm and his second-in-command, Jamie, are having a good, lively talk while walking to Malcolm's office.)
Where's Neil?
Leicester, poor fucker. You'd think that once you'd achieved a certain status, you might have been excused visiting Leicester, wouldn't you?
Have you seen the whips' numbers?
NoMFuP.
Eh?
NoMFuP, N-O-M-F-P, Not My Fucking Problem – I quite liked that, did you like that?
Yeah, it's very good.
I think I'll use that quite a lot today.
I'll use it as well.
(Malcolm spots a journalist he's very happy with for doing a good profile on a government Minister.)
(to the journalist) OH HO HO! Well done with Fatty's profile. Very very good. I nearly liked the enormous fucker reading it.
(Malcolm and Jamie continue their conversation.)
What if the MOD breaks tonight? What I'm hearing is the overspend's getting more brutal by the hour. (Both men enter Malcolm's office.) They're talking about topping off at one-one and a half billion. Obviously, that's a lot of nurses.
Or one fantastically enormous robotic one, yeah?
Obviously, yeah.
And how's the Minister?
He's shitting himself. (laughs) He's practically kissing his driver goodbye. He said he felt like he was "in the Twin Towers on 9/11, just fucking waiting."
Oh, for fuck's sake. But everybody knows their lines, yeah? IT projects always overspend.
Oh, yeah, yeah.
(Malcolm's loyal personal assistant, Sam, enters the office. She has some papers for Malcolm to look over and sign.)
(to Sam) Do you think you could manage to get me a decent cup of tea? Would that be possible?
(Sam readily agrees.)
Thank you. Try not to drip in it.
(After Sam leaves the office, Malcolm continues his chat with Jamie.)
(to Jamie) I tell you the thing that's worrying me is, er – is this dodgy?
I don't know. The kid's firm was the second lowest bid. He says they never talked. What does it matter?
No, but you know me, I'm a man of principle.
Oh, I know.
I like to know whether I'm lying to save the skin of a tosser or a moron.
Probably a moron.
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