[is invited to the Simpsons' for dinner] Good heavens, this is a palace! How can-- How in the world can you afford to live in a house like this, Simpson?
[shrugging] I dunno. Don't ask me how the economy works.
Yeah, but look at the size of this place! I-I live in a single room above a bowling alley and below another bowling alley!
[clearly not getting it] Wow!
[sees pictures on the wall] I'm sorry, isn't that...
Yeah, that's me, all right. And the guy standing next to me is President Gerald Ford... And this is when I was on tour with the Smashing Pumpkins... Oh! And here's a picture of me in outer space!
You? Went into outer space?! You?
Sure! You've never been? Would you like to see my Grammy award?
[angrily] No! I wouldn't! God, I've had to work hard every day of my life, and what do I have to show for it?! This briefcase, and this haircut! And what do you have to show for your lifetime of sloth and ignorance?!
... What?
Everything! A dream house, two cars, a beautiful wife, a son who owns a factory, fancy clothes and [sniffs air] lobsters for dinner! And do you deserve any of it? No!
[gasps] What are you saying?
I'm saying you're what's wrong with America, Simpson. You coast through life, you do as little as possible, and you leech off of decent, hardworking people like me. Heh, if you lived in any other country in the world, you'd have starved to death long ago.
He's got you there, Dad.
You're a fraud. A total fraud. [he starts to leave; to Marge, Bart, Lisa and Maggie] It was nice meeting you. [he slams the door]
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