How do you like that? Your Cripple Creek sausages are being distributed by a Chinese noodle company. That oughta knock the old down home country image right in the head.
All S1
S1 E15Unfinished Business
[Jim is picking a lock]
What are you doing? That's illegal!
Rita, on my best day I'm borderline.
Speaking of money, Rita, you never really did explain what happened to the money Maggie left you.
Oh yeah, well I'm not going to say that I should've known better, right? You're not going to give me the static? And I'm not going to hear about it from you for the rest of my life... it was this guy...
Rita...
Yeah, but, Jim, I had such a good time spending it!
How could you spend $300,000.00?
Boy, you never give up! You know that? You think I know where the money went? I know where the money went.
Where?
All right! [she starts counting off her fingers] The new apartment. The furniture. The microwave. I told you about my friend Monica's teeth? I mean somebody had to do something about her teeth!
Whadja do? Have them gold-plated and set with her birthstone?
What about that salesman, whatever he is?
No, no, no, I think you're right about him. I think he is a salesman, and he's sweating. Which means he knows what's going on. Now if we could just find him...
How? We don't even know what he does.
He's carrying a hip joint around in his brief case. There's got to be distributors, manufacturer, reps for prosthetic devices. How many of those can there be in L.A.?
Want me to tell you?
[looks at the hostile young punks around him] You wanta have a go, huh, so that all of you can jump me? Is that whatcha want? Nah, I gotta better idea. We will dance... one at a time.
ECEugene Conigliaro
You threatenin' us?
Am I ever...
ECEugene Conigliaro
You don't frighten me.
Oh, yes I do... you keep listening to that little voice way down inside you, Eugene. The one that keeps screaming 'bounce back to Jersey'.
Whatever it was that got you disbarred, were you right?
Maybe you noticed the question of right and wrong is not within the purview of the law. Only the question of legal and illegal.
Yeah, that seems strange.
Don't it!
ECEugene Conigliaro
Hey, you wanna do the number? Cuz I'm ready! C'mon! C'mon!
[sneers] How about that. Harry Misanthrope.
ECEugene Conigliaro
[ignorant of Shakespeare] Are you by any chance referrin' to anybody who's present here in the festivity?
Coop, I'd make book that they did it just to make points with Nodzak. Can ya believe it? These geniuses commit a murder on spec!
[sighs] Abbott and Costello meet The Godfather. Pathetic.
No, I promise to stay out of the way this time. You've got the job, the one being paid. I'm just here as a friend.
AAngela
[in complete adoration] I think it's wonderful that Lance cares for others. It's why everyone loves him.
Yeah, well we got snarled up in a case in August. I ended up doing ninety days on a county honor farm.
Well, I'm sorry about that Jim. I had my clients' interest to protect, and you did break into that hotel room.
What client? Who were you working for? Nobody ever seemed to know.
Well, that was kind of a strange one. Those three little boys hired me.
The triplets? They were only eight years old!
[humbly] Yeah well, when their folks were killed by the Mob I took them in. Finally I made arrangements for them to live on a friend's farm in Vermont.
[sarcastically] Oh, isn't that nice, a happy ending; all of us got to go to a farm!
[Referring to an unsolicited tip just received] It hasn't occurred to you this is a trap?
[laughing] A trap? C'mon Jim, I doubt that.
I can't explain why you're still walkin' around. It's not gonna last long. You're naive, Lance, you really are! Ya hafta be cynical, you have to question things. You can't take someone named "Belle LaBelle" on face value! What's her angle, huh? Who's payroll is she on? You find out the answers to those things and then you start moving fast and crooked. You go through door sideways and low, at odd angles. You look for the Big Lie. Question everything!
I'm going up to Lake Malibu. Why don't you come with me?
[Appealing to heaven] They'll kill 'im!
BLBelle Labelle
Are you the Lance White who saved Mr. Hillman's life a long, long time ago when the Mob was moving in at the club and threatening his wife and four grandchildren?
[modestly] Let's just say it's closer than I like to come.
[unimpressed] Isn't it about time for an intermission? I'm out of popcorn!
ATArmand Teasdale
[in slight awe] I'm a good judge of people; that is a fine young man with a remarkable character.
Oh, no doubt about it. Lance is perfect. It's his only flaw.
ATArmand Teasdale
Well, what do you think of him, son?
Oh, Lance? Well I, I guess you could say when they were passing out raincoats, he got a beauty.
ATArmand Teasdale
Well I uh, I suppose it does seem a bit unfair to you. After all, you were the one who risked your life to save Veronica. Lance ends up with the girl and, I suppose, everything else... . And I think it's only fitting that uh, you should profit in some additional way beyond the bonus. After all, you're the real hero.
Well, that really isn't necessary, sir...
ATArmand Teasdale
[Cuts Jim off] Fine, fine, just thought I'd offer. Nice seeing you.
[announcing Dennis' promotion] Has everyone got a glass? Now we are going to have a toast. Okay, are you ready? To my husband Lieutenant Becker.
[reaction of delight from everyone]
That's right, and Deputy Town called me and said that's it!
Great! That's really great! Lieutenant! I told you Rocky, I told everybody he was going to do it. A Lieutenant, that's great!
There's only one problem: Lieutenant Chapman, from here on out, I gotta call him Doug.
[everyone laughs]
These quotes come from Wikiquote's The Rockford Files pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.