The Rockford Files Season 1 quotes

Jim, it's Grace at the bank. I checked your Christmas Club account. You don't have five hundred dollars, you have fifty... Sorry! Computer foul-up!

Hey Jimmy! I tried to catch you before you left! [chuckles] Hey buddy, I was wrong. That rally in Mexico? That was yesterday!

Rocky

What was that guy's beef?

Jim

What? Is that supposed to be funny?

Rocky

What'd I say? What'd I say?

Jim I have finally finished 12 long years of psychotherapy and now I am able to tell you just what I think of you. Would you please call me?

This is Mrs. Owens of the Organization for a Better Malibu. Thanks for your contribution. We've made great strides. It would help, dear, if you'd move your trailer.

[at the Becker dinner table] You know the one animal I can't stand? Monkeys. I had one once. I only kept him for a couple of weeks. They make the place so smelly. Now you take cats. All you need is a litter box and that's it. Now that monkey, he made all over my new couch. He made all over my floor. You'd come through my door and find yourself up to your buns in ...

Peggy Becker

Broccoli?

Billy Skelly at EyeCo. Like to interest you in some new private detection equipment, including the 448 Telephonic Bug. We'll demonstrate it in a friend's home for one full week no charge.

Jim

I don't have superiors. I have few peers and no superiors.

Okay Jimbo, Dennis. I know you're in there and I know you know it's ticket season again; Policemen's Ball and all that. So come to the door when I knock this time. I know you're in there!

That number four you just picked up from Angelo's Pizzeria? Some scouring powder fell on there; don't eat it! Hey, I hope you try your phone machine before dinner...

Look, this guy actually lives in a trailer.

Jim

[indignant] Well what does that mean?

Well, it just seems to me that living in a trailer is at the bottom.

Jim

I live in a trailer!

Well, you know, not exactly the bottom, more like the middle. And of course, depending on what kind of trailer, it could be the upper middle. For instance I saw one in a magazine a couple of months ago. It could expand out into a two thousand foot home. Now a guy living in a place like that has the world by the...

Jim

Save yourself, son, it's not important.

You know, I've been thinking, Mr. Rockford, that if you want my opinion, we may be barking up the wrong tree.

Jim

[nursing his shot gun wound] We're sure getting some strong feedback from the wrong tree.

Where's Brockelman?

Jim

Oh, its not my turn to watch him.

I can see you're gonna keep us in stitches.

Now when I get up in the morning, I heard Ol' Uncle Willy's skillet cracklin' in there. I know he's cooking up some of this good Cripple Creek country sausage or bacon, boy it just gets my mouth-a-waterin' and starts my day off right. Now remember when you're in the market for Charlie Strayhorn's Cripple Creek Sausage or breakfast meat, then you're gonna rustle up your own good ol' country breakfast!

Jim

Who? Clement? Oh sure. Yeah, he's got more lines than a telephone company!