Jim Rockford quotes from The Rockford Files

Jim Rockford

I remember somebody saying that the corpses would be found near a body of water. This place is practically the Gobi Desert.

Sergeant? Mister Rockford?

Jim

Are you kidding me? Water tanks don't count!

Jim

Dennis, let's talk about this, huh? Now look...

Dennis Becker

It's out of my hands, Jim!

Jim

Dennis, what if Scotty just found out that you and Peggy went off a bridge. Now where would you want him to spend the next 24 hours, with Rocky and me or downtown in that wire mesh hellhole, huh?

I hate him.

Jim

What?

I hate Daddy.

Jim

I know you're sad and scared. I don't blame you, but... don't call it "hate."

[red-faced] Don't tell me what I can do! I can do any damn thing I wanna do! Now you're going to get your tail off that table and you're going to take me to the money, and you're going to do it right now!

Jim

Hey calm down Lieutenant, they're going to take you home in a respirator!

Well, yesterday you got yourself in a heap of trouble son.

Jim

Well gee Dad, how'd I do that?

Jim

So I'd like to know who the cops were on the case.

Dennis Becker

Now just wait a minute.

Jim

Five'll getcha ten Lieutenant Hall was on the desk.

Dennis Becker

There's one thing I'm not gonna do is hang this on the police department!

Jim

Then why was he sniffing around this thing, huh? Go on Dennis, check it out.

Dennis Becker

I don't have to! It wasn't Lieutenant Hall!

Jim

Just 'cause he's a cop, he can't get jacked up over a half a million dollars?

Dennis Becker

Shut up Jim!

Angel

I don't go by Angel anymore...

Jim

Just who are you? The Archduke of Guacamole?

Angel

Now, who would want to kill me?

Jim

You want the list alphabetically or in order of importance?

Jim

Hey he's a really breath of stale air, isn't he?

He's a winner. What are you Mr. Rockford?

Jim

I'll let you know.

Jim

Ranch’o Angelo! Sort of takes your breath away, doesn’t it?

Angel

It’s a DUMP! What a DUMP!

Jim

I don’t know, once you get in the Orange Groves and riding stables it won’t look too bad.

Angel

Do you think it’s funny?

Jim

No Angel, I don’t think it’s funny. As a matter of fact it scares me to death. I think it’s about time we take this to the cops.

Jim

Dad, who turned you onto this scheme?

Rocky

Harry Schreau down at the Gear Tavern. He's the one always buying drinks for the house!

Jim

Dad, isn't Harry also the one who lost five hundred bucks on an astrology chain letter?

[on the phone] Hello?

Jim

[Using a southern drawl] Mr. Gerald A. O'Malley?

Yeah?

Jim

Yeah, this is Roger Martel, sir. Kern County civil defense.

Yes sir! What can I do for you?

Jim

Government agencies have informed us that the Che Guevera unit of the ALF is planning to detonate eight jerry-rigged nuclear devices in Bakersfield, unless some federal prisoners are released by daybreak this morning.

Now, wait a minute. What's the yield, man? What's the yield? Am I in the kill radius?

Jim

We are not sure what the yield is, but you're correct in your assumption. You are in the kill radius.

Well, you're very calm about it! I've written you people letter after letter about this kind of thing, and you've ignored it! Now - now you're, you're certain that she's going to blow?

Jim

Just in case, sir, my advice would be to proceed immediately, and I repeat, immediately, to your bomb shelter. We've already had some leaks on this, and as your neighbors may come seeking protection from you, and no doubt they would be armed and desperate...

Oh, shut up! I've got 1 million things to do here!

Jim

When we agreed, you know, that we were gonna be partners, we were talking about a few hundred dollars, maybe a few thousand if we got lucky. But it's an awful lot of money, it just isn't right.

Rocky

Of course it's right, Sonny. It couldn't be righter. If it wasn't for you, I wouldn't have anything.

Rocky

Ooh watch them, they're stale.

Jim

No no, these are croutons, Dad. They're not stale.

Beth Davenport

[about the Fifth Amendment] It doesn't apply!

Jim

What do you mean, it doesn't apply? It's in the Constitution!

Beth Davenport

It doesn't apply in this case, Jim. I told you the judge wouldn't buy your privileged argument! He read the questions the grand jury asked you, and he read your answers, and he said you waived your rights.

Jim

You want to know what I think?

Beth Davenport

I know what you think and I agree with you, only there's nothing I can do about it.

Jim

I don't even know Frank Sorvino, I don't even know what they're trying to prove, whether I kidnapped him or snuck him out of the country? The federal prosecutor is playing Clarence Darrow like he's got a whip and a chair!

Beth Davenport

Gary Bevins, he's bucking for the Attorney General.

Jim

And he'll probably make it too. It's his show all the way, no attorney for the defense, you gotta go take a hike to find a judge, it's just Bevins and his merry band of men!

Beth Davenport

Now look, Jim...

Jim

Oh yeah, yeah, and the jury foreman? He has a gavel! Now since when do they give gavels to jury foremen?

Beth Davenport

They don't, only it's not unusual for the average citizen to sort of get caught up in the role and...

Jim

And then ask for one.

Beth Davenport

No, I think they buy their own.

Jim

Oh, come on. Beth, how soon can you get me out of here?

Beth Davenport

I don't think I ought to try.

Jim

Try? Hey, even murder's bailable!

Beth Davenport

So is civil contempt, if I can convince the judge you got grounds for appeal.

Jim

Then convince him!

Beth Davenport

It's not that simple, Jim! You can go out one day and come back the next, you can't take this thing all the way to the Supreme Court!

Jim

You mean I'm going to be eating cream chip beef on toast till they decide to let me out of here?

Beth Davenport

Not exactly, you stay in jail until you agree to testify.

Jim

Well, I'm not going to testify! Bevins is a one-man lynch mob!

Beth Davenport

Or until the expiration of the current grand jury term.

Jim

When is that?

Beth Davenport

About nine months.

Jim

Nine months? Oh, that's a pretty stiff sentence!

Beth Davenport

That's why they made it civil contempt. If they'd made it criminal contempt, and asked for a sentence of more than six months, you'd have had a right to a trial by jury.

Jim

Nine months...

Beth Davenport

But, when the new grand jury is impaneled, if you're called again and you refuse to testify, again...

Jim

Then it's back to the old slammer.

Beth Davenport

Until their term expires, eighteen months. Then...

Jim

And then they impanel another jury and the whole thing starts all over again. I haven't been charged with anything, I haven't been convicted of anything, you know, with a deal like that, do you realize how long I could be in here?

Beth Davenport

Theoretically? The rest of your life.

Jim

Yeah.