Harold quotes from The Red Green Show

Harold

[Harold pointed his hands at the camera] If they are interested, and only if they are interested, go on with a little bit longer version. But, you know, as for the two hour version is concerned. Trust me; we're willing to wait for the video.

Harold

Remember, you're on your own. Don't push it.

(reading a letter) "Dear experts --" la la la -- "I find that everything on television is a load of crap. I prefer to use the term 'a load of bad stuff'. Do you think that everything on television is a load of bad stuff?"

Red

Well, yeah. Yeah, it's all crap, as far as I'm concerned.

Harold

Except for this show.

Red

Well, yeah, if you insist.

Yeah, I agree. It's all crap. And it could have been so good too, that's what bothers me. It almost makes me sorry I invented it!

Red

Invented what, Hap... crap?

No... television!

Red

I could be a great astronomer, Harold!

Harold

(to audience) He's always been good at staring off into space, so...

Red

I either have a plan, or I'm an idiot.

Harold

That's good. 'Cause usually you have a plan and you're an idiot.

Red

Isn't this great? We've got no overhead!

Harold

You've got no inhead!

Harold

Mr. Dalton Humphrey, you have 30 seconds to get Uncle Red to say this word- [giggles nervously, too embarrassed to say the word himself, but does point to it on the card] and go!

Dalton Humphrey

[coughs and clears throat]

Red

Sex?