Egon Spengler quotes from The Real Ghostbusters

Egon Spengler

[waking from a dream] It's E=MC2. Listen to me. It's E=MC... [the street crowd watches Egon for a few moments before going on with their own business] Never mind, just never mind... it would take far too long to explain anyway.

Egon Spengler

You know, we're all descendants from fish. It would be no trouble at all to flip back in time, find the fish you descended from, and stuff it into a Cuisinart.

Ray Stantz

Mrs. Roger's dress is WHAT?

Egon Spengler

No, Ray. Mrs. Rogers is WHAT.

Come back here, nice troll!

Egon Spengler

I gotta say this, Peter: you really should get into better shape!

And I gotta say this, Egon: I never liked you, or your family, or your dog!

Egon Spengler

We've gotta go after it.

No, we don't. Show me where it says that.

Egon Spengler

I'll hold him off!

Yeah? You and what Starfleet?

Egon Spengler

[translating Peter's grunts after he has just woken up] Sounded like "coffee". Possibly "cookie". [Peter grunts again]

Ray Stantz

Translation, Egon?

Egon Spengler

Get out of my face or eat flaming terror.

Egon Spengler

I have a plan.

No electric shock, Egon.

Egon Spengler

...I have another plan.

Egon Spengler

Transtator?

Check.

Egon Spengler

Field Generator?

Check.

Egon Spengler

Ionization Decaymeter?

Check.

Egon Spengler

Plasmatic Refractor? Anti Ecto Plasm Destruct Mechanism? Bypolar Adjuster?

Check, check and [yawns] check.

Egon Spengler

Transwarp Drive?

Check.

Egon Spengler

Ah-ha! Caught you. We don't have a Transwarp Drive.

If we don't have one, then it can't malfunction. If it's not malfunctioning, then nothing's wrong. And if nothing's wrong, then it checks, right?

Egon Spengler

I'm not going to talk to you again for at least a week. It's not good for me.

Hey, don't make fun. This is how I got through college.

Egon Spengler

It's Sumerian.

Can you read Sumerian?

Egon Spengler

In my sleep. Underwater with the lights off. Of course I can read Sumerian.

Just what do you expect to find at the end of the cord, Egon?

Egon Spengler

My first guess would be a terminus of such unimaginable densely packed evil energy that it could fry a psychic researcher without blinking.

What's your second guess?

Egon Spengler

Oh no. This is worse than I thought.

What? we're finally gonna be rid of Slimer. What could be worse than that?

Egon Spengler

We're not going to be rid of Slimer. We're going to be inundated with hundreds of thousands of millions of Slimers.

I'm sorry I asked.

But I just want to point out, seeing as you're new to this game and all, that Evil just cheated.

Ray Stantz

Full tilt, flat out, no doubt about it!

Egon Spengler

Doesn't that call for a forfeiture of the game?

You mean declare Evil the losers for cheating?

That about sums it up, yeah.

But Evil cheats. That's its nature. It does whatever unscrupulous or immoral thing it has to in order to win. That's why we call them Evil. Only Good is not allowed to cheat. If Good adopts the ways of Evil, then it becomes Evil. So if Good cheats, Evil automatically wins. Got it? PLAY BALL!

Ray Stantz

I wonder if Good is allowed to steal bases.

Maybe Good just borrows 'em, Ray.

Egon Spengler

Peter, do you know how to set your proton pack on explosive overload?

No.

Egon Spengler

I do.

Ray Stantz

Dopey Dog Dopey Dog flying through the air, Dopey Dog Dopey Dog flying everywhere, come on boy we need you don't let us down, "Dopey Dog Dopey Dog we need you!

You've got an idea don't you, you kidder you. A way we can take this guy out. C'mon, fill us in.

Egon Spengler

There's only one way. We'll have to set our proton packs on simultaneous overload.

Ray Stantz

Oh great, Egon. We do that and it'll take Jeremy out all right. And the building. There'll be a blast crater half a mile wide!

And since we'll have to keep hold of 'em until they blow, to make sure they aren't turned off…oh man.

Egon Spengler

We take out everything within a quarter mile, ourselves with it, and hope it's enough to destroy him too before he can destroy the rest of the world.

It's a great plan! Count me in.