BBrian
[On the phone, as an ice-cream truck drives by] Arianna, shut that damn window! I'm trying to demand a ransom here! Please! I can't take that horrible sound!
[Overhearing] I'm sorry, sir, but this happens to be my natural voice!
All S1
S1 E15Unfinished Business
I can't believe [Niles] quit. It's so sad. I can still smell his chicken cacciatore. It's like when you lose a limb and swear it's still there.
I've come back! Hide me please!
What happened?
I can handle the jacuzzis and giving the oil massages. I can even suck on a big toe the size of a Louisville Slugger but I do NOT... do windows.
FFrieda
NILESY!!
Oh, God, Sasquatch!
BBellhop
[To Mr. Sheffield] Can I have your last name, sir?
Good luck. I've been waiting five years for it.
CChevy
You have a beautiful face. Ever thought about acting?
Are you deaf?
All I wanted was a simple thank you. I suppose in order to get some attention around here, I have to hop up on your desk in my short skirt.
Did you say "my"?
I was putting myself in Ms. Fine's shoes.
Well, you can't wear those wingtips with your skirt. Make you look stumpy.
He who belts "I'm Gonna Wash That Man Right Outta My Hair" in the shower should not throw stones. I assure you I am the most masculine one in this room... [Enter C.C.] ...until now.
I was the most popular girl in school. It said so on all the bathroom walls.
How lucky is your grandmother getting married at her age. Do you know the odds of a woman over 35 finding a husband?
1 in 1245.6
Uh-huh. How much do you weigh, Ma?
Who can remember numbers?
Dr. Miller, I had the weirdest dream last night. Grandma Yetta was running down a football field carrying a bridal bouquet and Count Basie was waiting for her at the end zone when Miss Piggy comes walking by carrying a very lean corn beef sandwich and says: "You are not getting any younger."
MDr. Miller
Clearly the dream indicates that you are bitter and upset over the fact that your 85-year-old grandmother is getting married for the second time when you haven't been married once.
Really?! Now you see I just thought I had a thing for jazz and the Muppets. Duh!... I'm gonna stop obsessing on wanting to be married and follow my dream. From here on end, I'm gonna be a more interesting mature independent woman. Maybe then he'll propose.
It's driving me crazy, her being out with some other man. I can share these feelings with you because I'm not in love with you
[Coyly] Nobody looks good at two in the morning.
Hello Steve, C.C. Babcock. I understand you're a professor. And you're going out with Nanny Fine. What's the matter, research wouldn't give you a chimp-
Something troubling you sir?
Oh no I'm Miss Fine, I-I mean I'm just fine.
[Negotiating days off with Mr. Sheffield]
I'll bring you back Cuban cigars.
I'll send my mother to Cuba.
I'll make you Baked Alaska.
I'll send my mother to Alaska.
In all fairness, Niles did ask me first.
He's wearing your suit!
She's wearing Ms. Gracie's skirt.
And that's how I just won.
I don't know what I was doing in that unholy alliance with Babcock.
I know. It's like Yogi dumping Boo Boo for the Ranger.
Since I started my diet, I went down an entire cup size.
What cup size did you go down to, Ma? Stanley?
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