A character in The Mary Tyler Moore Show
Played by Ted Knight
The Mary Tyler Moore Show · 87 quotes
4th most-quoted character in The Mary Tyler Moore Show: in 21 of its 87 quotes
Most scenes with: Lou Grant (8), Murray Slaughter (8), Mary Richards (5)
TedMary, I need your advice about something. Not that you think it's any big deal or anything, but do you think it's too risque for an anchorman to say that he sleeps in the raw?
[Mary turns away in disbelief]
TedAlbania...that's the capital of New York, right?
Ted[on air] I've just been handed a bulletin. [reading in announcer's voice] You've got something between your teeth.
Mary, where are the idiot cards?
TedCue cards, Lou! Cue Cards!
Excuse me, Ted. Mary, could you please give those cue cards to this idiot?
Ted[bragging] I even got cheered for cutting a ribbon at a supermarket!
That's because they didn't think you could do it.
Ted[lamenting at the party that he isn't where he should be in life] I might as well face it. I'm a no-talent!
Did somebody put truth serum in the punch?
Ted[showing up to the newsroom much earlier than usual] I'm here because I'm upset about being awakened by a 2 A.M. obscene phone call. I've never had anyone say things like that to me.
What are you tellin' me about it for?
TedBecause it was you!
TedMurray, I have a surprise for you!
Oh, yeah? Do you have a case of laryngitis?
Ted[badly mispronouncing German] This is Ted Baxter, saying Oof Weederzane.
Now that he's demolished English he's branching out.
TedI don't think Barry likes me.
Ted, he hasn't been here long enough not to like you. He's only been here a couple weeks. It takes at least three weeks not to like you.
Gustavo here is the nice man who arranged for Rhoda and me to go to San Leon. He owns that new Mexican restaurant down the street.
TedNo kidding? Last time I had New Mexican food was when I worked in Albuquerque.
TedI went to my reunion a couple of months ago. Famous Announcers School.
That's a correspondence course. Where did they have the reunion, in a mailbox?
TedI saw you do the news, Lou. You were terrible.
I know, but that's because I made a mistake.
TedWhat's that, Lou?
I started drinking after the show.
TedYou like my new jacket, Lou?
No, I don't like your new jacket! At this moment, I don't like your face, your voice, your fingernails, your name! Waddya say to that?
Ted[looks slightly troubled] Would you like it better in green?
Happy Birthday, Ted. [hands him a gift]
Ted[shakes it] I'll bet it's a book. [opens it] It is a book. [Reads aloud] Dick and Jane Visit a Farm.
These quotes come from Wikiquote's The Mary Tyler Moore Show pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.
