A character in The Mary Tyler Moore Show
Played by Mary Tyler Moore
The Mary Tyler Moore Show · 87 quotes
Most-quoted character in The Mary Tyler Moore Show: in 35 of its 87 quotes
Most scenes with: Rhoda Morgenstern (13), Lou Grant (11), Ted Baxter (5)
Mary[on the phone with Rhoda] I know no one's supposed to be here, but I just heard the elevator...no I can't call the police, what am I going to say, that I heard an elevator? I have to wait until the killer's off the elevator... [hearing people at the door] There he is! And he brought his gang!
How old are you?
MaryThirty.
No hedging! No 'how old do I look'?
Mary[smiles and shrugs her shoulders] Why hedge?
Yeah.
MaryHow old do I look?
[pauses] Thirty. [opens booze bottle in his desk drawer] What religion are you?
MaryUh, Mr. Grant, I don't quite know how to say this, but, uh, you're not allowed to ask that when someone's applying for a job. It's against the law.
Wanna call a cop?
Mary[sweetly] No.
Good! Would you think I was violating your civil rights if I asked if you're married?
MaryPresbyterian. [Lou stares at her] Uh, well I, I, I decided I would answer your religion question.
Divorced?
MaryNo.
Never married!
MaryNo.
Why?
MaryWhy?
Do you type?
MaryMr. Grant, there's no simple answer to that question!
Yes there is! How 'bout 'no I can't type' or 'yes I can'?
MaryThere's no simple answer to why a person isn't married.
How many reasons can there be?
Mary[nervously] 65.
[exasperated] Words per minute. My typing question!
MaryYes.
Look, miss! Would you try answering the questions as I ask them?
You know what? You've got spunk.
MaryWell, yes…
I hate spunk.
MaryDo you ever wonder what kind of mother you'll be?
I don't care so long as it isn't unwed.
And on top of that you speak French.
MarySpanish.
Eh, they speak everything in Paris.
I never eat, I just nibble.
MaryWell, if you're still hungry, there's half a chicken in the refrigerator.
Not anymore--that's what I nibbled.
My father's short.
MarySee, it didn't bother your mother did it?
Bother her? She made him that way.
I just want you to know that I'm really very happy for you.
MaryYou know, your face doesn't look happy for me.
Oh, really? That's funny. Because it's really very, very happy for you. Really. In fact, my entire body is very pleased.
Mary[about Ted's gift to her] It's the thought that counts.
I know, and he has cheap thoughts.
You don't think I want to stay in the mail room all my life? I've got my eye on another job.
MaryOh, yeah? What's that?
Yours.
MaryAt our age, having your tonsils out can be dangerous.
At our age, having your hair done can be dangerous.
[inviting Mary to dinner] We're having leftovers from [Edie's] Home Economics class.
MaryThat's OK, I love leftovers.
She got a C minus.
MaryGustavo here is the nice man who arranged for Rhoda and me to go to San Leon. He owns that new Mexican restaurant down the street.
No kidding? Last time I had New Mexican food was when I worked in Albuquerque.
[about her mother] I think she's holding a grudge because I didn't go into the profession she wanted.
MaryWhat's that?
A housewife.
Mary Richards. It's still Mary Richards, isn't it?
MaryYes, it's still Mary, too.
So you've never been married, Mary?
MaryNo, Estelle, I haven't.
I've been married twice.
She liked it so much the first time.
These quotes come from Wikiquote's The Mary Tyler Moore Show pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.
