Murray Slaughter quotes from The Mary Tyler Moore Show

Murray

[about the new anchorman] He's already one up on Ted. He's walking and talking at the same time.

Murray

Ted has been in love ever since he was a baby and saw his reflection in the bathwater.

Ted

[bragging] I even got cheered for cutting a ribbon at a supermarket!

Murray

That's because they didn't think you could do it.

Ted

[lamenting at the party that he isn't where he should be in life] I might as well face it. I'm a no-talent!

Murray

Did somebody put truth serum in the punch?

Lou

Ah...that's good wine.

Murray

You're drinking Scotch!

Lou

It's my favorite kind of wine.

Mary

[about Ted's gift to her] It's the thought that counts.

Murray

I know, and he has cheap thoughts.

Ted

Murray, I have a surprise for you!

Murray

Oh, yeah? Do you have a case of laryngitis?

Lou

Does anyone happen to remember this morning's memo about personal calls during business hours? Murray?

Murray

Well, how can we forget? It isn't often you'll see the words 'don't', 'no', 'not', 'never' and 'forbid' in the same sentence.

Ted

I went to my reunion a couple of months ago. Famous Announcers School.

Murray

That's a correspondence course. Where did they have the reunion, in a mailbox?

Murray

When will Edie be back from this reducing place?

Lou

Oh, she was pretty mad. She ought to be gone for about eight to ten pounds.

Murray

Happy Birthday, Ted. [hands him a gift]

Ted

[shakes it] I'll bet it's a book. [opens it] It is a book. [Reads aloud] Dick and Jane Visit a Farm.

Ted

[about his antacid pills] They're not for my personal use. I never have any stomach trouble myself.

Murray

No, but you're a carrier, Ted.

Murray

That was a terrific speech you made up there, Ted.

Ted

Think so, Murray? Gee, I thought you'd be mad because I didn't quit too.

Murray

No, that's okay, Ted. When a donkey flies, you don't blame him for not staying up that long.

Ted

Lou… [everyone joins in a group hug]

Lou

I think we all need some Kleenex

There's some on Mary's desk.

Mary

Mr. Grant. Could I say what I wanted to say, now. Please.

Lou

Okay, Mary.

Mary

Well I just wanted you to know, that sometimes I get concerned about being a career woman. I get to thinking my job is too important to me. And I tell myself that the people I work with are just the people I work with, and not my family. And last night I thought, "what is a family anyway?" They're just people who make you feel less alone and really loved. And that's what you've done for me. Thank you for being my family. [group hug]

Murray

Now for the hard part. How do we leave this room?

Lou

That's not so hard. Remember what Ted said?

Ted

What was that, Lou?

Lou

It's a long way to Tipperary, It's a long way to go…