Mary Richards quotes from The Mary Tyler Moore Show

Mary

Mr. Grant, you're gonna be just fine, just fine. Go in there and be natural. And remember to smile.

Lou

You can't have both things, Mary.

Rhoda

How come you're not watching that documentary on TV? It's on how much fun us single swingers are having.

Mary

How come you're not watching it?

Rhoda

I didn't want to watch it alone. It's too depressing.

Mary

Rhoda, why are you putting strange men in my address book?

Rhoda

He's not a strange man. He's the guy I invited to that party you gave as my date, and he showed up with his wife.

Mary

Oh, yes. I remember her. Nancy.

Rhoda

I remember him. Armond.

Mary

It still doesn't explain why you wrote him in my address book and not yours.

Rhoda

I don't have one. I've been getting by for years on the back of a cocktail napkin.

Lou

I haven't been this mad at anybody since…1944. Yeah…1944. That was the last time I let it all out.

Mary

Did anything – much - happen?

Lou

Huh? Oh. I captured a town in Germany.

Mary

Why are you smiling at me?

Lou

Because you just reaffirmed my faith in human nature.

Mary

You mean what I did wasn't rotten?

Lou

Oh, no, that was rotten all right. It's just nice to know that everyone's rotten. Up to now, I thought you were one of the few holdouts.

Mary

[to Rhoda who is having doubts about decorating Lou's living room] You want a challenge, don't you?

Rhoda

Sure, Mary, I want a challenge. I just get the feeling that this room might win.

Mary

He had his arm around her and everything was very cozy. Then he saw us, he pushed her away and started treating her like a stranger.

Rhoda

I know that feeling. I once had a date do that to me when I ordered steak.

Mary

[refuting the notion that the governor's aide was interested in her] He...didn't even get my name.

Rhoda

Well, he got mine. I took off my name tag and pinned it to his jacket.

Lou

I guess I'm what you'd call a male chauvinist pig.

Mary

She, uh, she wasn't right.

Lou

I'm glad we're communicating.

Mary

What was wrong with her?

Lou

Well, for one thing, when she walked out of here, I didn't watch her.

Mary

Oh. You mean, uh… she-she didn't have any, uh-- [Mary motions at her backside]

Lou

Right. No caboose whatsover.

Mary

Well, if that is the case, Mr. Grant, why have I been wasting my time for the last two days screening them for skills? I mean, why don't I just march them in here in bathing suits?

Lou

How many more applicants are there?

Mary

Uh, two. Uh, the first is Doreen Skinner. Her skills are excellent, and she seems to measure up, caboose-wise.

Lou

Good. Back her in here.

Rhoda

[about her ride home in a cab] The driver was Murray.

Mary

Murray? My Murray?

Rhoda

Yeah, from the newsroom.

Mary

That's impossible. Murray's teaching at night.

Rhoda

Yeah? Well, tell him the ashtrays are full in his classroom.

Mary

Murray is working nights driving a cab to earn extra money.

Lou

Why didn't he just come and tell me he needed more money? Then I could have told him why I can't give it to him.

Mary

You know, Rhoda, you could get yourself much sicker going out tonight.

Rhoda

Yeah...

Mary

Did you tell your date you have a temperature?

Rhoda

I would have, Mare. However, I make it a rule never to discuss flu symptoms with a six-foot-one Yale grad with dark, curly hair.

Mary

You could give him your cold.

Rhoda

Uh-huh. [smiling] If I play my cards right!

Mary

You're going to have your lawyer look over a simple lease?

Ted

An ounce of perversion is worth a pound of cure.

I guess you know this house is a Frank Reich?

Mary

A Frank Lloyd Wright?

Oh, no, no,no. Reich!

Mary

Reich?

Right. The two were often confused, but, in fact, Frank Reich died in 1936 of acute frustration.

Mary

Phyllis, I didn't say he doesn't want to talk about marriage. I said he doesn't seem to ... want to talk.

Phyllis

Mary, when they don't seem to want to talk, marriage is what they're always not talking about.