Mr Cooper, Simon and others in “Unfinished Business”

You lot seem very quiet tonight.

Simon

Yeah, well, it’s better than hearing non-stop bullshit

Language. What’s that on your head, Simon?

Simon

(Sarcastically) Oh, I don’t know, Dad. Oh, yeah, it’s a hat. Obviously. God!

Looks bloody stupid.

Will

We tried to tell him.

You look like a butcher.

Simon

Pete Doherty wears them, actually.

Pete Doherty’s butcher wears them.

Simon

Oh, I forgot you were a comedian as well as a cab driver.

Oi! I’m doing you a favour. Why are you wearing it anyway? You’ve never worn anything like that before.

Neil

He’s meeting a bird.

Simon

Neil!

Knew it. You’ve got that look in your eye.

Simon

What?

Sort of an animal look. I’ve seen it when you watch TV sometimes, X Factor and that.

Jay

What, when he sees Louis Walsh?

Simon

Funny.

No, thankfully Cheryl Cole. If his mum’s in the room, he has to pop a pillow over his lap.