[voiceover] As we bankrolled our trip to the Bahamas, my brother was banking on Matt Bradley failing the impossible JTP entrance exam.
Let the trials of the JTP begin.
JTP!
First up, Smashball. Let's see you hit my unhittable knuckle melon. [He throws the melon just before Matt destroys it with the stick]
Yes!
[voiceover] But he destroyed that melon, and every other challenge.
[The scene cuts to them outside at the market]
Slushie chug. No mere mortal can ingest an extra-large...
Done! Aah! My head! But worth it!
Dang!
He's unstoppable!
He's immortal.
Riddles and trivia. A body is found in a locked room...
Is the weapon as ice knife?
Damn it!! Next category, busting balls. Came up with three insults for how short Andy is.
Oh. No, we don't have to do...
Go!
Andy's so tiny, he uses a sock as a sleeping bag. When Andy plays mini-golf, it's just called "Golf." Did you hear Andy died? He was bungee-jumping off a curb and the dental floss broke.
Ohh!
Ohh!
I feel completely humiliated. This guy's awesome!
Blindfolded Rubik's Cube, which no human can do, which means you'll never be one of us. Go!
Bro, this isn't in the charter.
The charter is a living document, and, lucky for me, it makes it so he'll never be able to...
[He has finished solving the Rubik's Cube] Done!
What? That's awesome!
Dude! Am I in the JTP?
JTP!
That means "yes." Cool! So, what are we doing this weekend?
Well, I don't know what you'll be doing, but the O.G. JTP will be seeing the Fat Boys. I'd invite you, but it's sold out.
Why don't we go see the Dead? They're playing at the fairgrounds.
Easy, new guy. The JTP likes their music in rap form or not at all.
Actually, I wouldn't mind switching it up a bit.
Shut up, you tiny, little... Pocket... Man... Face... Damn it, that's hard.
That's a big thumb-up on the Dead, Matty.
Wait. Barry, don't you own a van? We could turn it into a Dead bus.
Yes!
For sure! A van-bus!
No! That's our A-Team van we're taking to the Fat Boys! And, like all other JTP decisions, we're putting this concert to a vote. Who wants to see the Fat Boys tomorrow? That's three votes for Fat Bays.
Why do you count as three?
'Cause don't question it. Now, how many of you want to go see that weird, lame thing I don't want to do? One, two, three... Four?
Grateful Dead, it is. You're gonna love it, JTP.
[chanting] JTP! JTP! JTP! [chanting continues]
They have four votes. I'll never get to bulldoze my closest friends again! This is a nightmare!
More from this episode
All quotes from this episode →More The Goldbergs quotes · These quotes come from Wikiquote's The Goldbergs pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.