Why did you call me when it's usually my wife who handles this annoying school crap?
Well, truthfully, I couldn't reach her. And more truthfully, I didn't try because she scares me.
Sorry I'm late. We're having a sale down at the...
Son of a bitch. Oh, this guy.
[voiceover] And that guy was Lainey's dad, my father's archenemy, Bill Lewis.
Look, I called you both in here today because we need to talk about what's going on with your kids.
There's nothing going on, because I very clearly and emphatically forbade it.
Well, for the third time this week, I caught them canoodling in secret. It's unacceptable.
We have a saying in Texas... "don't blame the armadillo. Blame the armadillo's dumb father."
Oh-ho. We have a saying here... you're bald.
I'll have you know, the ladies love it. [pointing to Principal Ball]
Eh? Okay. What is happening here right now?
I'll tell you what's happening. This schmuck lives in Philadelphia, yet he roots for the Dallas cowboys. Who does that?
Red-blooded Americans, that's who does that.
Got to say, it surprises me, this friction that exists between the two of you, considering how similar you are.
Please.
Come on.
No, no, no. For example, you're both fathers. You're both small-business owners. You both seem very angry.
That is true.
I'll give you that.
And you're both football fans. Now, this is a bond which I can respect as a lifelong fan of the New York football Giants.
Whoa, you're a Giants fan? Why the hell do you live in Philadelphia?
[pointing at Bill] He's got a point. Unlike the Giants last season.
[Both laugh]
Hey-oh! Whoa!
For your information, we won the conference last year, so suck it! So what I actually mean to say is that it's always easier to get along than be short with each other. And that is one of "Earl's pearls" you can take to the bank.
Well, thank you for your wise advice and, uh, the Giants suck.
Yeah. They suck so hard. But good luck next season. Whoops.
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