Gina Riley in “Immigration”

They may seem familiar to you. They tell me they've met you. They are two young men from drought-stricken Somalia who tell me that they too are intending to claim status as economic refugees, the starvation rate in their country being what it so tragically is. You may not recognise them, however, as both of them now appear to weigh 22 stone, are white, and - according to their passports - bear the Somalian names of Nikolai Grigoriev and Yuri Ivanov. You'd be comforted to know though, Nicholas, that their superlative skills remain intact in the traditional African sport of the hammer throw.