(On the phone) Jay, this is your ex-wife. Your alimony check is eighteen minutes late. Nope, nineteen minutes. That's it, I'm calling my lawyer!
No pressure Marty, but the Pope and Nelson Mandela are in the audience, and they came to party!
(After Bill Clinton falls through a floor) I’m sure we all appreciate President Clinton’s ground-breaking message!
Attention students: Auditions for Peter Pan are being (Helium voice) held in the auditorium! (Normal voice) Stupid helium!
I am sorry, Martin. You are not fit. From now on, you must go to remedial gym. (Opens door and moaning noises are heard) Oh wait, that’s remedial choir.
(Singing) Ho Ho Ho, stick out your toe! Hee Hee Hee, stick out your knee!
Please kids, my philosophy is "love and dance," not "hate and not dance."
Today, Humphrey's gonna teach you all what happens when you get a lung removed: You get ice cream!
Dialogues with Jay
Lady, don't take this the wrong way, but you're nuts!
OOld Lady
(Thinking he is her cat) Oh, you sound just like the toaster.
From Miserable
So, how was prison?
FPFemale Projectionist
Oh, they treated me pretty bad at first, but then they found out I tried to kill a film critic. You know, in Texas it's not even a crime.
I'm well aware. At the Houston film festival, only half of us got out alive.
From Miserable
Dialogues with Jeremy
(Barges in with a Bazooka) So you're the nine liberal judges who outlawed unreasonable search and seizure.
SCSupreme Court Judge
Souter made us do it! (All point to Souter)
You better lock the doors, 'cause we'll be rewriting some laws tonight.
From Miserable
Extras
TCTobacco Company Executive
But Mr. Sherman, think of the children. If they don't have cigarettes, what'll they do after they have sex?
PPriest
I said questions, not wishes! I'm a priest not a genie!
JSJay's "inner child"
(On the phone) Jay, this is your inner child. I escaped and I just robbed a liquor store. Gotta go!
CTCuban TV Announcer
We'll be back after this word from toilet paper, now in "rough" and "not-so-rough."
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