AHAdolph Hitmaker
If you want the world to love you, you must be big and jolly like Santa Claus, or Rush Limbaugh.
Extras
CSChicken Shack employee
You want a piece of me, fat boy? I'll spork your ass!
DDressmaker
Oopsie, I swallowed a pin. That's gonna be a fun little journey.
From A Little Deb Will Do Ya
BMBribed Movie Critic
This movie is so good, it makes Hud look like C.H.U.D., and I loved C.H.U.D.
SESatoshi, the Eater of Souls
Cookie Puss, I will eat your soul.
NYNew York Post Editor
Now if you want to work here at the New York Post, you must know that we insert the following words into every headline: headless, nude, sewage, and governor. For instance, Subway Fares Raised becomes Headless Governor Found Nude in Subway Sewage.
MTMiranda Tompkins
What about the fares?
NYNew York Post Editor
You're fired.
From Dukerella
Celebrities
GSGene Shalit
(On the phone with Jay) Hi, this is Gene Shalit. I'm having a bad hair day. If you don't believe me, look out the window.
OWOrson Welles
Rosebud ... Yes, Rosebud Frozen Peas. Full of country goodness and green pea-ness... wait, that's terrible, I quit! Just a handful for the road. (Scoops up a handful of peas and starts popping them in his mouth. Is now off-screen) Oh, what luck! There's a french fry stuck in my beard! (Makes eating sounds) Oh yeah.
OWOrson Welles
A rich full-bodied wine sensibly priced at a dollar a jug. And for a little magic, I will make this jug disappear. (Drinks)
KRKeanu Reeves
(In The Merchant of Venice) Hath not a dude eyes? If you prick us, do we not get bummed? If we eat bad guacamole, do we not blow chunks?
AWAdam West
Well Jay, one of my most amazing films is The Happy Hooker Goes To Hollywood. It came out in 1980, it's one I'm sure you enjoyed all the way to the end.
APAl Pacino
(On the phone) Hoo-ha! Jay, it's Al Pacino. Hoo-ha! I can't stop saying Hoo-ha! Keep that in mind when you review my next film, The Godfather Part Hoo-ha! Hoo-ha.
WSWilliam Shatner
Hello, I'm William Shatner, and this is Celebrity 911. Tonight, we devote the entire hour to police calls involving James Caan ... (Makes a face and looks up to the ceiling) CAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAN!
JBJimmy Breslin
Tonight, we will honor the greatest writers in America with a modest 9x12 certificate and a check for three thousand dollars. Three thousand dollars?! Stephen King makes that for writing "Boo" on a cocktail napkin!
These quotes come from Wikiquote's The Critic pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.