Claude Littner: I know you are.
(Jordan sits down)
It transpires that actually, this isn't your business!
Jordan Poulton: Mmm-hm.
Claude Littner: "Mm-hm"? What does "Mm-hm" mean?
Jordan Poulton: There's three parts to the answer I think because...
Claude Littner: Hang on a second, hang on a second. You are not a shareholder in this business.
Jordan Poulton: Correct.
Claude Littner: Correct. Therefore, you've got no right to negotiate or to give away a part of a business that you do not own.
Jordan Poulton: Mm-hm.
Claude Littner: Furthermore, and this is what I'm very upset about, having waded through these pages, when I got to page 45 in your 52-page diatribe here, you're only prepared to yield 15.39% equity.
(brief pause) That's not the deal! The deal is 50% for £250,000
Jordan Poulton: Mm-hm.
Claude Littner: You've got no right to be here, because you're feeding on someone else's idea, someone else's business.
(pause)
You're a parasite!
Jordan Poulton: Can I defend myself before I leave?
Claude Littner:Frankly, I think this interview is terminated. You can leave now.
LZLuisa Zissman
I'd rather give birth again than do this.
What do you make of Jordan? His business plan was something to do with an "immersive mobile experience." I thought that was when you dropped your phone in the loo or something.
(said without pausing for breath) From the age I can remember I’ve always felt like I was more intelligent than everyone else and I got things faster than everyone else and I knew that there was something I could do with that ability that would be meaningful and I have this ability inside me that I don’t even at times know what to do with and so I figured that business is the way you get success in the modern world so why don’t I just try to learn as much about that and I’m sure eventually I’ll be able to do something that shows everybody I’m able.
Claudine Collins (apparently paying scant regard): ‘I’m going to move on.
There are large, well establish companies in that space.
Neil Clough: Absolutely, yeah.
Claude Littner: They're going to go to their market leader.
Neil Clough: I'm going to compete with that!
Claude Littner:But you've got no chance!
Neil Clough: I have!
Claude Littner: No you don't!
Neil Clough: I definitely have!
Claude Littner:The market's full.
Neil Clough:I absolutely believe in my plan! I don't know whether I've been explaining it clearly...
Claude Littner: No, you're explaining it clearly. I hope I'm explaining it clearly how, how just ludicrous the whole idea is.
Neil Clough: It's something I know so...
Claude Littner: Something you know? That's crap!
I think what I'm hearing is, the guy who sits there who has no self doubt. Who has to believe this will work.
Neil Clough: I know how to make it successful, and you're gonna keep hearing me say it because I truly believe that!
Mike Soutar: And you're gonna keep, hearing me say; I think you're in trouble with this business plan.
"A lady with a brain like Einstein..." and who got a C,D, and E in her AS levels.
Luisa Zissman: Yeah, I flunked my AS levels.
Margaret Mountford: You said that "people look at me and see that I'm a bimbo with hair extensions, fake b***s and nails."
Luisa Zissman: Yeah...(withering look from Margaret) Obviously that comment was very tongue in cheek.
Margaret Mountford: Do you think it's sensible to put tongue in cheek comments, when you're completing an application form with a view to someone making a quarter of a million pound investment?
Luisa Zissman: I don't think there's anything wrong with having a bit of personality in business.
(Margaret glares)
You studied the greats in human history, and cherry-picked their knowledge and as a result of that your role model is David Beckham?
Jordan Poulton: I stand by that!
Margaret Mountford: (wryly) Yes...
I am bitterly disappointed with your business proposal. I know that ten weeks ago when I first met you, I just flipped through all of you very, very quickly, "What's your idea?"...and you said something about estate agents. But it don't work and I'm shocked. I tell you, I am totally, absolutely shocked, because if I didn't care about you, if I didn't think you was any good, I couldn't care less to be honest. Yeah? It don't work. it don't make sense.
Neil Clough: It does. It does make sense. This is a business plan that isn't just off the back of a fag packet. I have thought it through and it's a simple plan...
Lord Sugar: You have not thought it through. Neil, don't dig yourself a bigger hole, mate. 'Cos that ain't been thought through.
Neil Clough: I believe in that business plan. I also believe in my self ability that I can drive that to make a success.
Lord Sugar: It is a shame, it is a shame that you're still sitting here, believing in it.
Neil Clough: I'm asking for the opportunity to do it.
Lord Sugar: I know, but I might as well put that £250,000 into a slot machine, right? I may as well just stand on London Bridge and chuck it over London Bridge. Honestly, that's how bad it is.
Neil Clough: I believe that this is the one that I know I can make a success.
Lord Sugar: No, you can't. Neil, Neil, stop saying that. You can't. You cannot. It does not work, mate. Me, I would not have a bat in hell's chance of starting from scratch in this business. There, that's how good it is! It's sickening for me to sit here and that that someone that has been as powerful as you ends up the right man, you know, but the wrong plan. It's disheartening for me, yeah? And you won't move away from it, Neil.
Neil Clough: I'm absolutely convinced that I can make a success of the business and I just wanted that opportunity.
Lord Sugar: No, no, no, no, you can't mate, I'm sorry. You can't. Neil, if this was all about giving someone a job, I'd give you a job tomorrow, right? But coming into business with me, I'm afraid not, my friend. I'm sorry. I'm disappointed and I'm sure even Nick and Karren will be disappointed, but Neil, it is with regret that I have to say to you that..you're fired.
Neil Clough: (showing defeat) Okay, thank you for the opportunity.
(to Jordan) I have to say, you talk about yourself a lot as being an entrepreneur. Are you really? It just seems you jump onto other people's ideas.
You state in here that you and your partner compliment each other perfectly. So you already have a partner?
SUSteven Ugoalah
I have an amazing idea for Lord Sugar that's going to make him a fortune and is going to change the world. I'm not arrogant, 'cause what I'm saying is all true.
Scott, can you tell me what you were doing on this task? Because I've had some reports back that, never mind the bleeding Wolf of Wall Street, you're more like the bloody Poodle of Petticoat Lane.
(on Steven) He is an irritant, there's no question of it, right? But it's not really a reason for placing the blame on a person like that--
Steven Ugoalah: (interrupting Sugar) Exactly! Exactly.
Lord Sugar: Steven, may I respectfully say to you, SHUT UP!
SUSteven Ugoalah
If I was you I would turn around and go and get the shirts.
Chiles Cartwright:I appreciate your comments, I've made a decision. And I can't understand what comments like that are helping to the situation.
Steven Ugoalah: I have been helping! Had we gone to Goddard's which took five minutes walk from that T-Shirt shop, this wouldn't have happened!
Chiles Cartwright: Steven, get a grip!
Mark Wright: Alright pack it in, if you're gonna complain, at least let us do something!
