The Addams Family · Season 1
[holding up her headless doll] I'm donating Mary Queen of Scots.
Darling, that IS your most precious possession.
I can chop a head off another doll.
I know, but all the heads don't come off as nicely as this one. Are you sure you want to donate Mary?
Yes, but I'll never be able to look her head in the eye again.
Gomez, did you hear an explosion a moment ago?
Oh, that. Probably Uncle Fester down in the basement testing for gas leaks with a lighted match.
[the Addams family prepares to ride along with the mansion on its move to a new location]
Where are the children, dear?
Oh, they're fine. They're riding on the roof.
I do hope they don't get car sick. Is Lurch with them?
Oh, no. He likes to ride with his head out the window and growl at the passing cars.
Kitty-Cat doesn't need a hairpiece. Never met a lion who did.
A lion? In THIS house?
How else are the children going to learn anything about nature?
I can't wait till pet day at school.
Darling, I'm worried.
About what?
Uncle Fester and Madeline. I think those two are in love.
With whom?
With each other.
Impossible.
No, it's not at all impossible, darling. According to their horoscopes, it's perfect - she's a Capricorn and he's a bachelor.
Cousin Itt? From, eh, who's side of the family?
He's from both sides of the family. He hasn't quite found himself.
And with Cousin Itt, that's not easy. He looks the same from every angle.
Poor Cousin Itt, he's so nervous he went up in the treehouse with Uncle Fester.
I hope a passing eagle doesn't snatch him up.
Oh dear, he would make good nesting material, wouldn't he?
Lurch! He's been stabbed!
Nonsense, darling. That's the way he sings.
He'd be better stabbed.
[Lurch has left] Well, he belongs to the ages now.
I'll miss his happy smiling face.
I need a drink. I'll ring for Fester.
[pulls the noose to chime the gong]
You rang?
Lurch!
You're back!
[exhausted after facing his adoring fans] To stay...
Tish, Zen Yogi's been taking up entirely too much of my life.
Darling, you're so right. And besides, all this standing on your head is getting rather expensive. None of your hats fit any more.
If you don't mind my saying so, I've made women forget their husbands in one day.
Please, I love Gomez.
Who's Gomez?
My husband.
You see? I've forgotten him already.
Follow me!
These quotes come from Wikiquote's The Addams Family pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.
