[to his daughter Shiv] You're marrying a man fathoms beneath you because you don't want to risk being betrayed. You're a fucking coward.
All S1
S1 E15Unfinished Business
So, does that mean we're able to... fuck here?
Yeah. Hey, Ken, what do you think of the pussycat? On it?
No, not me. Business is my fucking.
Great. I'll find you a Bloomberg terminal to stick your dick in.
Oh my God, dude! That was insane!
Oh yeah?
Yeah. Me and this girl, we go into this side room, and we start making out, and then, I'm touching her and then she goes down on me, and then I splooge in her mouth, y'know and-- g-- I know! I know! And get this: she kisses me and puts it back in my mouth, and I swallow!
Which, the cum?
I know. So hot!
SFSandy Furness
You can't make an omelette without breaking a few dicks.
I don't like being outside the U.S. for too long.
Doesn't sit well.
And there's a mercilessness I miss.
I'm not used to these squalid little deals.
Yeah, living with the safety catch off, fuckin' without a rubber. Everywhere else feels so soft. I mean, look at this fuckin' place.
[Logan and Gil turn to look at the castle in the background]
Yeah, well, it-- it's all quite refined.
Refined? Ahh. Slaves. Cotton, and sugar. This country's nothing but an off-shore laundry for turning evil into hard currency.
[laughs] Is this where you tell me you're working for the communists?
And now it just lies here, y'know, living off its capital, sucking in immigrants to turn it and stop it from getting bed sores.
The lack of thought to do this to Dad... today...
Come on, Shiv, let's not pretend. Yeah? This isn't about Dad. This is because you like the power. It gets you close to the Hill. And Rome, you couldn't get a job in a fuckin' burger joint let alone a Fortune 500 without some nepotism and Con, you like the glamor it gives to a fuckin' freak show in the desert, okay.
No, Kenny. I could just do with the assistance of the family firm on my ambitions to become President. That's it.
Right. Exactly. You're all living in a fuckin' dream world.
Tell Sandy you're out. Tell Stewy the thing looks like shitshow. Go to the desert, dry yourself out. You have not been yourself.
[tearfully] There's nothing... I don't, I don't think, um... I wasn't there, so...
This could be the defining moment of your life. It'd eat everything. A rich kid kills a boy, you'd never be anything else. Or, y'know, it could be what it should be: nothing at all. A sad, little detail at a lovely wedding where father and son are reconciled.
[Logan opens up his arms and Kendall breaks down sobbing]
[hugging Kendall] You're my boy. You're my number one boy.
[Kendall entering Logan's office]
Oh, here he is! Mr. Potato Head! My plastic adversary.
Where do you buy your suits, by the way, Tom? Like, maybe that's why I'm just not moving as fast as you. I just don't have that, like, boxy, corporate look. Right? I mean, sorry, but, like, what the fuck? You look like a Transformer. Like, wh-- what's wrong with your body, man?
Rome, come on. There's nothing wrong with his body, it's just fuckin' suits.
[Tom gives Shiv a "What the fuck?" expression]
What? Come on, we-- we've laughed about it before.
You have?
Yeah. He's thrifty, and he has the worst taste in suits.
Totally has terrible ta-- You look like a divorce attorney from the Twin Cities.
It's partly the walk. It's like a real...
Robot?
No, agricultural walk.
[Roman and Tabitha laugh]
Agricultural walk!
You know, I tried to get, uh, one of his suits tailored by the guy that dad uses.
Mm-hmm.
But he looked just so like--
TWTom Wambsgan
Hey, Shiv? Fuck off.
LYLawrence Yee
Hey. Hey! Kendall, what the fuck are you doing? What the fuck is going on?
Yeah, sorry about the, uh, cloak and dagger. I just needed some time to untangle all your shit, find the profit centers, keep the union off our back. We're already fully operational on seven.
LYLawrence Yee
Why?
Because my dad told me to.
LYLawrence Yee
Because your dad told you to? Jesus Christ. Because your dad told you to? You-- you fucked it, bro.
Uh-huh. Go find some other chicken coop, cunt.
[groans] This is nice. Europe. Nice bit of war-torn, spooky, anti-Semitic, vampirey, authoritarian Europe.
L-- Listen uh... so yeah-- c-- can I ask you something? On the-- on the front level?
Yeah. You worried about what you did in Cruises?
What we did? No... no. Uh... No, I was gonna ask you about this Sam guy, do you know him?
"Ratfucker Sam?" Yeah, sure. You know he background checked me before I started dating Shiv?
Wow. Yeah, so, what's his-- what-- what's h-- er-- is he... like what's his competency? Is he-- is he... nice?
"Is he nice?" You're asking about the moral character of a man named Ratfucker Sam? He is a fucking piece of fucking shit is what he is.
[finding out that Roman tried to betray him] Roman, did someone get at you?
Dad, I didn't betray you.
[holding Roman's phone] Then what's this call from today? Why are you talking to her? [Naomi Pierce]
[nervously] Come on, man. [to Logan] I wasn't trying to fuck the deal. I was trying to land the deal. I was trying to help. I... I thought it would be a nice surprise.
[short pause] Roman, you're a moron.
[pause]
[to Logan on Roman] Boar on the Floor, wouldn't you say?
[to Kendall] Fuck you. [to Logan] I am not a moron, dad.
[short pause] How much is a gallon of milk?
What?
How much is a gallon of milk?
I don't know. I mean, who the fuck knows, dad? Literally no one knows. Who gives a shit?
Ray!
RRay
Yeah.
How much is a gallon of milk?
RRay
Uh-- Uh, wh-- I mean, like regular milk, or, uh...
I am surrounded by snakes and fucking morons! You're a bunch of silk-stocking fucks! [pause] Who backs me on Pierce?! Hmm?! Who?!
None of them do, dad. They're all against it, okay? Karl's lying, Ray's lying, Gerri's playing both sides.
[pause] Well, [laughs] here's news: We are going after it. And what's more. [pointing to everyone in the dining room, in furious anger] I. Will. Win!
[Logan leaves the room]
Hey, Mark. Great to see you. Come on in. I caught the show this morning.
MRMark Ravenhead
Oh, great. Thanks. Uh, where's Cyd?
She's out on a thing, but she's-- she thought it would be great for us to check in, and I'm su-- I'm a big fan.
MRMark Ravenhead
Thank you. Thanks. Uh, so Karyn tells me, uh, you want the full colonoscopy, huh?
Oh, dude. No, no. We both know, I think, how dumb these things are. You know how it is. It's just due diligence with all the turbulence, and, can I just-- just need to check a few boxes.
MRMark Ravenhead
Sure, sure. Thank you for the show of faith.
No, no. No-- No problem. Okay, right. [inhales] Okay, so this is embarrassing, but, um, just for the record, and just so we have it, um... You are not, and have never been a member of the Nazi Party of the United States, have you?
MRMark Ravenhead
Come on, Tom. You serious?
[Tom gestures to the manila folder with an awkward expression]
MRMark Ravenhead
Nope.
Thank you. Sorry to have to even ask. Uh, bu-bu-bu-bu-bah... And-- Oh, yes, the Hitler dog thing?
MRMark Ravenhead
Okay, the dog thing's bullshit.
Great. Great. I thought so.
MRMark Ravenhead
Different spelling.
Okay. Different spelling?
MRMark Ravenhead
Yeah.
Okay. Uh, and this other one that came up, just to fend this off, have you ever read Mein Kampf?
MRMark Ravenhead
Uh... Yeah, couple of times, I guess.
Couple times? Are there Easter eggs in there you didn't get the first time? [laughs]
MRMark Ravenhead
[laughs] Look, I'm-- I'm just-- I'm interested in that period of history, Tom. Okay? I skimmed it.
Skimmed. Yeah. Thank you. And, um-- And what, specifically, do you find interesting about that period of history?
MRMark Ravenhead
The scale. The tragedy.
Hell yeah. Yeah. Which tragedy, sp-- specifically?
MRMark Ravenhead
Europe decimated. [scoffs] Seven million Germans, twenty million Russians, five million Poles.
Yeah. Just-- Just checking the till here, Mark, and it seems you're short a few million.
Hey baby, how about this for the eulogy? "Lester touched all of us."
WFWilla Ferreyra
I don't think you should do your speech.
No one else is gonna get here. I have to. I said I would.
WFWilla Ferreyra
Baby, I think it could be really bad for your campaign. I mean, I was just talking to those guys over there.
The Wolf Pack?
WFWilla Ferreyra
The Wolf Pack?!
Yea, Dad's old crew, back in the day.
WFWilla Ferreyra
Oh, Jesus. Okay, some of the stuff they got up to with Mo, you do not wanna be associated with.
Sure, no. I know. Still, it's complicated. It was a different time.
WFWilla Ferreyra
But it wasn't a time before they invented laws, was it?
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