Here we go. The 5:00 p.m. All good?
Yeah, I'm good, Greg, considering it's my first post-Logan election, and I have Cyd, uh, running around town, spitting poison like a fucking King Cobra with an iPhone. I have, uh, PGN to the left of me, I have FVA to the right. I gotta deliver the best election numbers ever 'cause my bosses wanna rip my heart out as a peace offering...
...to all comers. So, no, Greg. You know, I'm a little bit tense. Just a little bit. Little tense.
Well, yeah, I'm feeling pretty good.
Busy, busy. Hello, hello! Look at you! Losing it, like a massive fucking loser.
JMJeryd Mencken
Yeah. Well, I blame you. Couldn't deliver Connor, huh?
JMJeryd Mencken
ATN scared to run all the fraud?
Well, I keep my hands out, you know? Fuck you. What is this? 'Cause, you know, I'm quite busy.
JMJeryd Mencken
Oh, you're busy?
Yes, I am busy. I don't run around town like some fucking food-bike guy, you know?
JMJeryd Mencken
Yeah. Just, uh, wanted to say a couple things. [clears throat]
JMJeryd Mencken
Very directly. [sighs] We still think we can win.
JMJeryd Mencken
But... I am very focused on losing.
JMJeryd Mencken
Winning is easy. Winning would take care of itself.
JMJeryd Mencken
But if I lose... I need to work on what assholes would call "the narrative."
Uh-huh. Uh, like uh, "insurgent campaign, unfairly maligned as extremist by the coastal masturbation factories."
JMJeryd Mencken
Exactly. If I lose, I want it correctly characterized as a huge victory. Over-performed, huh?
JMJeryd Mencken
I want to be the president. I want you to... be a partner in that, and if it isn't tonight, it will be next time.
Even if you're not going to be the president, you're going to be our president.
JMJeryd Mencken
Exactly. You, me, we'll go far.
Over the road and into the bar.
So, listen, at some point tonight could we do a chat, uh, in terms of the-- the me of things, and, like, how to play it? Because Matsson, he treated me quite abominably, but it felt, like, trusting and he was saying a lot of things, and--
Okay, okay. Enough, enough, enough. Where's my coffee?
Tom, I don't do coffee anymore--
No, Greg! Greg, I have to be clear. I have to. If I get drowsy, and I miscall Colorado, instability, right? Then the U.S. loses credibility, China spots an opportunity and invades Taiwan. Tactical nukes. Fucking shit goes kablooey and we're back to amoeba. It's a long way back from pond life, 'cause you failed to get me a double shot, okay?
Who's responsible? That's the story, right? Who burnt this place down?
Eh, to me, it always comes down to a couple of old favorites, the Blacks or the Jews.
[Tom, Darwin, and Greg snap their heads towards Roman]
I'm kidding. It's a fucking joke.
[Shiv closes door]
Yeah, just wanted to check in. You know? It's been busy. So...
Right. Yeah, on election day.
Yeah. Yeah. So, how was your night, last night, with Lukas?
Shiv, I... I went for a drink with him. That-- that's not my fault.
Uh-huh. Do you find me attractive, Gregory?
I don't th... think of things such as that.
Oh. Oh, I thought you were a "disgusting brother." Is that-- was that too disgusting for you?
This is not appropriate. [chuckles] It's...
Yeah, I, uh... I'm... Sorry, I don't--
'Cause I'm just letting you know... that if you try to fuck me... I'll kill you. Mm-hmm?
Mm-hmm, got it. Got it. Sorry, yeah. I guess my-- my only question... would be, if-- if anything did come to pass, in terms of you and he... you know, silence is golden.
Yeah. Uh, yeah. How about I offer for you to keep all your internal organs on your insides rather than I pull them out your asshole? [opens door] Go on. You're lumber. Keep your snout out.
How was that call? What'd you get? Whole bunch of not much?
"I think you're a good guy"?
Uh, well... [scoffs] I found it hard to get Nate, so I summarized some impressions.
Oh, right, right, right. Smart. Really good, Shiv. But you lied.
Right? She didn't get anything from Nate.
She didn't speak to Nate. And she's in with Matsson.
No, I... [scoffs] No. No. I-- I-- I-- I did what we all agreed to, that I got close to him so that I could help--
Shiv's fucking us. Right--
No. No! No, no, no. I-- I-- I-- I-- I-- I--
"I-- I-- I-- I-- I-- I-- I-- I-- I--"
I fucking asked you some real questions, Shiv. I wondered why you looked like a goose trying to shit a house brick, you piece of dirt.
JMJeryd Mencken
Uh, well... It's now clear I have won sufficient electoral votes to be declared the next President of the United States, and I find the responsibility awesome! Now, I know there is something left to contest, but votes have been cast; votes have been tallied. On another day, in another time, they might have fallen in another fashion. The election has been called for me by an authority of known integrity. [...] To my critics, I am not a demagogue. I am a defender of democracy. But democracy, it has this tendency that we have to beware to become mere transaction. I give you this. You give me that. I come begging for your vote. Welfare checkbook out. Crowning the welfare kings and queens till everyone has become little tyrants crowned by the state. The model that I follow isn't from the scorched marketplace where cunning men haggle for the best price. That's not me. The democracy I believe in is where a leader emerged from the people, willed almost into being, brought forth by the great sweetness of the virtue of the combined wisdom of the good people of this republic. Don't we long sometimes for something clean once in this polluted land? That's what I hope to bring. Not something grubby with compromise. Something clean and true and refreshing. Something proud and pure.
