Studio 60 on the Sunset Strip · Season 1, Episode 2
“The Cold Open” · Season 1, Episode 2
In this episode: Jordan McDeere (3), Matt Albie (2), Harriet Hayes (2), Jack Rudolph (1)
Jordan, can you describe the reaction of NBS executives Friday night when Wes described the network as "a candy-assed network" and "a greed-filled whorehouse of a network"?
Pleased and proud, as you can imagine. Until we realized he wasn't talking about Fox, he was talking about us.
[The press questions the team about Danny's drug history.]
Jordan, did you know about this when you hired him?
I can't remember, I was high at the time.
[Matt addresses his writing team.]
One of the things this show does is decide what's cool, and I've just decided it's no longer cool for grown men to dress as if they're in junior high school. We're going to act, dress, talk, write and behave professionally.
[Harriet bursts through the door.]
You are an adolescent, oversexed, whore-monger with the sensitivity of a head of cabbage!
And all that will begin in just a few minutes.
[Jack approaches Jordan in the studio as the new show is about to air, quoting fictional newsman Lou Grant.]
You know what, Mary? You got spunk.
I hate spunk.
. . .
They never lose, Jordan. They always win.
And they might this time, but I'm not going down in the first round. And if the ratings go up, the sponsors who dropped out, we'll welcome them back in -- at 120% of the cost of the original ad buy. We're going to be the first network to charge a coward fee.
[to himself] I hate spunk.
[singing to "I am the very model of a modern Major-General"]
We'll be the very model of a modern network TV show.
Each time that we walk into this august and famous studio
We're starting out from scratch after a run of 20 years, and so
We hope that you don't mind that our producer was caught doing blow.
I got a laugh at the table read when I asked for the butter in the dinner sketch. I didn't get it at the dress. What did I do wrong?
That's one laugh out of thirty you're going to get tonight.
What did I do wrong?
You asked for the laugh.
What did I do at the table read?
You asked for the butter.
These quotes come from Wikiquote's Studio 60 on the Sunset Strip pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.
