Dustin quotes from Stranger Things

Lucas

[About Eleven and Mike] They do this every time!

Max

It's romantic!

Will

It's gross!

Dustin

It's bullshit!

Steve

I gotta keep in shape for the ladies.

Robin

Yeah, and how's that working out for you?

Steve

Ignore her.

Dustin

She seems cool.

Steve

She's not.

Robin

So I guess that confirms your suspicion.

Dustin

Evil Russians.

Robin

I can't believe I'm about to agree with this strange child, but, yeah, totally evil Russians.

Dustin

[About a ventilation shaft] I'll fit. Trust me. No collar bones, remember?

Robin

Uh, excuse me?

Steve

Oh, he's, uh Yeah, he's got some disease. Chry, uh, It's chrydo, um... something. Yeah, I dunno. He's missing bones and stuff. He can bend like Gumbo.

Robin

You mean Gumby.

Steve

I'm pretty sure it's Gumbo.

Robin

[Unfurls blueprint sheet on table] All right. You see this? This is the route you're gonna take. Then we just wait till the last delivery goes out tonight. Then you knock out the grate, jump down, open the door.

Erica

Then you find out what's in those boxes?

Robin

Exactly.

Erica

Mm-hmm. And you say this guard is armed.

Robin

Yes, but he won't be there.

Erica

And booby traps?

Robin

Booby traps?

Erica

Lasers, spikes in the wall?

Robin

What?

Erica

You know what this half-baked plan of yours sounds like to me? Child endangerment.

Robin

We'll be in radio contact with you the whole time...

Erica

Ah, ah, ah! Child endangerment.

Dustin

Erica? Hi. Uh... We think these Russians want to do harm to our country. Great harm. Don't you love your country?

Erica

You can't spell "America" without "Erica".

Dustin

Uh, yeah, yeah. Oddly, that's, uh, totally true. So, so, don't do this for us. Do it for your country. Do it for your fellow man. Do this for America... Erica.

Erica

Ooh! I just got the chills. Oh, yeah, from this float, not your speech. Know what I love most about this country? Capitalism. Do you know what capitalism is?

Yeah.

Erica

It means this is a free market system. Which means people get paid for their services, depending on how valuable their contributions are. And it seems to me, my ability to fit into that little vent is very, very valuable to you all. So, you want my help? This USS Butterscotch better be the first of many. And I'm talking free ice cream for life.

Dustin

Holy shit - you're a nerd!

Erica

Come again?

Dustin

You... are... a... nerd!

Erica

Okay, you better take that back, nerd!

Dustin

Can't put the truth back in the box.

Erica

But it's not the truth.

Dustin

Let's examine the facts, shall we? Fact one: you're a math whiz, apparently...

Erica

That was a pretty straightforward equation.

Dustin

Fact two: you're a political junkie...

Erica

Just because I don't agree with communism as an ideology...

Dustin

[Holding up her backpack] Fact number three: you LOVE My Little Pony.

Erica

And what does My Little Pony have to do with this?

Dustin

Let's recall the ponies' latest adventure, shall we? The evil centaur demon Tirek turns Applejack into a dragon at Midnight Castle, and then Megan and the other ponies have to use Moochik's magic to defeat his rainbow of darkness, saving them from a lifetime of enslavement. All the pink in the world can't disguise the irrefutable fact that centaurs and castles and dragons and magic are all standard nerd tropes. Ergo, 'My Little Pony' is nerdy, ergo, you, Erica, are a nerd.

Erica

And how do YOU know so much about My Little Pony?

Dustin

Because I'm... a nerd. [Finishes shutting off the fan] Let's go... nerd.

Dustin

Are you gonna die on us?

Robin

We all die, my strange little child friend. It's just a matter of how and when.

Steve

So what do you think?

Robin

About?

Steve

This girl.

Robin

She sounds awesome.

Steve

She is awesome. And what about the guy?

Robin

I think he's on drugs, and he's not thinking straight.

Steve

Really? Cause I think he's thinking a lot more clearly than usual.

Robin

He's not. Look, he doesn't even know this girl. And if he did know her, like, really know her, I don't think he'd even wanna be her friend.

Steve

Robin, that's not true, no way is that true.

Robin

Listen to me, Steve. It shocked me to my core, but I like you. I really like you. But I am not like your other friends, and I am not like Nancy Wheeler.

Steve

Robin, that's exactly what I like about you.

Robin

Do you remember what I said about Click's class? About me being jealous and, like, obsessed?

Steve

Yeah.

Robin

It isn't because I had a crush on you. It's because she wouldn't stop staring at you.

Steve

Mrs. Click?

Robin

Tammy Thompson. I wanted her to look at me. But she couldn't pull her eyes away from you and your stupid hair. And I didn't understand, because you would get bagel crumbs all over the floor. And you asked dumb questions. And you were a douchebag. And-and you didn't even like her and I would go home and just scream into my pillow.

Steve

But Tammy Thompson's a girl.

Robin

[Softly] Steve.

Steve

Yeah? [He sees Robin's expression] Oh. Oh. Holy shit.

Robin

Yeah. Holy shit. [She looks down nervously as Steve processes the information] Steve, you OD over there?

Steve

Nah I'm just, I'm just thinking.

Robin

[quietly] Okay.

Steve

I mean, yeah. Tammy Thompson, y'know, she's cute and all but, I mean... she's a total dud.

Robin

She is not.

Steve

Yes she is. She wants to be like a singer, she wants to move to like, Nashville and shit.

Robin

She has dreams.

Steve

She can't even hold a tune. I mean, she's practically tone deaf, have you heard her? [Robin rolls her eyes, amused] All the time- [starts singing “Total Eclipse of the Heart”] you see me now tonight, you see me-

Robin

She does not sound like that.

Steve

She sounds exactly like that. That's a great impersonation of her.

Robin

No, she does not sound like that. You sound like a Muppet.

Steve

She sounds like a Muppet! She sounds like a Muppet giving birth! [Robin bursts out laughing; Steve starts singing like Kermit] And if you can hold me tight,

You'll be holding on, forever!

Steve

Exactly!

Robin

I know! [They both continue laughing uncontrollably]

Dustin

Okay, what the hell? [Steve and Robin look at each other and start laughing again]

Dusty-bun?

Erica

"Dusty-bun"?

Where have you been?

Dustin

I'm so, so sorry. I--I've been really busy uh, trying to save the world from Russians and monsters.

Of course you have.

I haven't heard from you in a week, and now you want a mathematical equation that you should know so you can save the world?

Dustin

Suzie-poo, I promise, I will make it up to you as soon as possible.

You can make it up to me now.

Dustin

What?

I want to hear it.

Dustin

Not right now.

Yes, now, Dusty-bun.

Dustin

Suzie-poo, this is urgent.

Yes, yes, you're saving the world, I heard you the first time, but Ged is also saving Earth, see, and he's about to confront the shadow, so this is Suzie, signing off.

Dustin

Wait, wait, wait! Okay. Okay. Shit. [He starts nervously singing The Neverending Story by Limahl] Turn around Look at what you see...

Lucas

If I get in good with these guys, I'll be in the popular crowd, and then you guys will be too.

Mike

Has it ever occurred to you that we don't want to be popular?

Lucas

So you wanna be stuck with the nerds and freaks for three more years?

Dustin

We ARE nerds and freaks!

Dustin

Eddie! Eddie! It's me. It's Dustin. This is Steve. He's not gonna hurt you, right, Steve?

Steve

Right. Yeah.

Dustin

Steve, why don't you drop the oar?

Dustin

He's cool. He's cool.

Steve

[Choked] I'm cool, man. I'm cool.

Eddie

What are you doing here?

Dustin

We're looking for you.

Robin

We're here to help.

Dustin

Eddie, these are my friends. You know Robin, from band.

Dustin

This is my friend Max. The one who never wants to play D&D.

Dustin

Eddie, we're on your side. I swear on my mother. Right, guys?

Max

Yes. Yes, we swear.

Robin

On Dustin's mother.

Steve

Yeah, Dustin's... Dustin's mother.

Robin

I mean, it's just a clock. Right? Like a normal old clock.

Steve

Why is this wizard obsessed with clocks? Maybe he's, like, a clockmaker or something?

Dustin

[Sarcastically] I think you cracked the case, Steve.

Eddie

I didn't run away this time, right?

Dustin

No. No, no, no, no. You didn't run.

Eddie

You're gonna have to look after those little sheep for me, okay?

Dustin

No, you're gonna do that yourself!

Eddie

Nah, man. Say, "I'm gonna look after them." Say it.

Dustin

I'm... I'm gonna look after...

Eddie

Good. 'Cause I'm actually gonna graduate. I think it's my year, Henderson. I think it's finally my year. I love you, man.

Dustin

I love you too.

Jonathan

Have you forgotten what he showed Nancy? Hawkins on fire. Karen, Holly, everyone -- dead!

Steve

Yeah, man, he also showed Max her brother walking around with a big hole in his chest. That's what he does; he gets in your head and he tries to scare you.

Nancy

Yeah, well he did a good job, because I am scared! And you should be scared too, because if he's still out there, he's planning to end our world, so...

Mike

...we don't stop looking, even if it takes a hundred more crawls -- a thousand! We don't stop until we're goddamn sure that wrinkled, rotting, noseless bastard is dead and gone and never coming back. [He holds out his hand.] Everyone in?

Dustin

I wanna see Vecna's heart on a platter. Just wish I could do it myself. For Eddie.

For Eddie!

Lucas

On three, "Kill Vecna". One, two, three...

Kill Vecna!