Leonard McCoy quotes from Star Trek: The Original Series

Mr. Spock, regaining eyesight would be an emotional experience for most. You, I presume felt nothing?

Quite the contrary, Captain, I had a very strong reaction. My first sight was the face of Dr. McCoy bending over me.

McCoy

Hm, 'tis a pity brief blindness did not increase your appreciation for beauty, Mr. Spock.

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McCoy

Come in, Spock. I'm all ready for you.

My orders were to report to Sickbay, Doctor. I have done so. And now I'll go to my quarters.

McCoy

My orders were to give you a thorough physical! In case you hadn't noticed, I have to answer to the same commanding officer that you do! [brief pause] Come on, Spock. Yield to the logic of the situation.

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McCoy

There's just one thing, Mr. Spock. You can't tell me that when you first saw Jim alive that you weren't on the verge of giving us an emotional scene that would have brought the house down.

Merely my quite logical relief that Starfleet had not lost a highly proficient captain.

Yes, Mr. Spock, I understand.

Thank you, Captain.

McCoy

Of course, Mr. Spock. Your reaction was quite logical...

Thank you, Doctor.

McCoy

...in a pig's eye!

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What I don't understand is how you were able to identify our counterparts so quickly.

It was far easier for you as civilized men to behave like barbarians, than it was for them as barbarians to behave like civilized men. I assume they returned to their Enterprise at the same time you appeared here.

Probably. However, that Jim Kirk will find a few changes, if I read my Spocks correctly.

McCoy

Jim, I think I liked him with a beard better. It gave him character. Of course, almost any change would be a distinct improvement.

What worries me is the easy way his counterpart fitted into that other universe. I always thought Spock was a bit of a pirate at heart.

Indeed, gentlemen. May I point out that I had an opportunity to observe your counterparts here quite closely. They were brutal, savage, unprincipled, uncivilized, treacherous; in every way, splendid examples of homo sapiens, the very flower of humanity. I found them quite refreshing. [he returns to the science station]

I'm not sure, but I think we've just been insulted.

McCoy

I'm sure.

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AAkuta

Love. Strange words, "children," "love". What is love?

YLYeoman Landon

Love is when two people are-

AAkuta

Ah, the holding, the touching. Vaal has forbidden this.

McCoy

Well there goes paradise.

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McCoy

Well, I don’t agree with you at all, Mr. Spock.

That's not unusual, Doctor.

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Chekov

It makes me homesick. Just like Russia.

McCoy

More like the Garden of Eden, Ensign.

Chekov

Of course, Doctor. The Garden of Eden was just outside Moscow. A wery nice place. It must have made Adam and Eve wery sad to leave.

[Sarcastically] Just....outside Moscow, all right.

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Bones... ya ever hear of a 'doomsday machine'?

McCoy

No... I'm a doctor, not a mechanic.

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Random chance seems to have operated in our favor.

McCoy

In plain, non-Vulcan English, we've been lucky.

I believe I said that, Doctor.

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[Decker has taken command of the Enterprise]

McCoy

You can't let him do this, Spock!

DDecker

You are out of line, Doctor.

McCoy

So are you!

[pause]

McCoy

...sir!

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Did you pay royalties to the owners of those patents?

Well, actually, Kirk, as a defender of the free enterprise system, I found myself in a rather ambiguous conflict as a matter of principle.

He did not pay royalties.

Knowledge, sir, should be free to all!

Who caught you?

That, sir, is an outrageous assumption.

Yes. Who caught you?

I sold the Denebians all the rights to a Vulcan fuel synthesiser.

And the Denebians contacted the Vulcans.

How'd you know?

That's what I would have done.

It's typical police mentality. They've got no sense of humour. They arrested me.

McCoy

Oh, I find that shocking.

Harry Mudd (mistaking sarcasm for sympathy): Worse than that! Do you know what the penalty for fraud is on Deneb V?

The guilty party has his choice: death by electrocution, death by gas, death by phaser, death by hanging...

The key word in your entire peroration, Mr. Spock, was..."death". Barbarians! Well, of course, I...left.

He broke jail.

I, er, I borrowed transportation -

He stole a spaceship.

The patrol reacted in a hostile manner -

They fired at him.

They've got no respect for private property, they damaged the bloody spaceship!

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Well, opinions?

Chekov

I think we're in a lot of trouble.

That's a great help, Mister Chekov. Bones?

McCoy

I think Mister Chekov's right. We are in a lot of trouble.

Spock? - and if you say we're in a lot of trouble -!

Spock [eyebrow raised]: We are.

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[Zefram Cochrane's disgusted at learning the Companion has feelings for him]

McCoy

There's nothing disgusting about it. It's just another life form, that's all. You get used to those things.

ZCZefram Cochrane

You're as bad as it is.

Your highly emotional reaction is most illogical. Your relationship with the Companion has for one hundred and fifty years been emotionally satisfying, eminently practical, and totally harmless. It may indeed have been quite beneficial.

CCochrane

Is this what the future holds? Men who have no notion of decency or morality? Maybe I'm a hundred and fifty years out of style, but I'm not going to be fodder for any inhuman monster. [leaves]

Fascinating. A totally parochial attitude.

NHNancy Hedford

Doctor, Doctor...

McCoy

Right here, Miss Hedford.

NNancy

[speaking weakly from her fever] I heard. He was loved. And he resents it.

McCoy

You just rest.

NNancy

I've always been good at my job. But I've never been loved. Never. What sort of a life is that? Never being loved. Never... to have shown love. And he runs away from love. [breaks down sobbing]

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Bones. [He starts to collapse] No, no, I'm all right.

[McCoy helps him onto a bed]

McCoy

If you keep arguing with your kindly family doctor, you're going to spend your next ten days right here. If you co-operate, you'll be out in two.

[starting to rise from his bed] Doctor, I'll return to my station now.

McCoy

You are at your station, Mister Spock!