Scotty Scott quotes from Star Trek: The Original Series

Scotty

Me bairns ... me poor, wee bairns!

Scotty

Half a gallon of scotch.

Scotty

[muttering] I know what time it is. I don't need a bloody cuckoo clock.

Scotty

I've seen the captain feverish, sick, drunk, delirious, terrified, overjoyed, boiling mad. But up to now, I have never seen him red-faced with hysteria.

Spock

Our spectro-readings showed no contamination, no unusual elements present.

Scotty

At least none your tricorders could register.

Spock

Instruments register only those things they're designed to register. Space still contains infinite unknowns.

McCoy

We're doing everything that's possible!

Kirk

Bones, I want the impossible checked out too!

Uhura

[over the intercom] Entering planet's outer atmosphere, sir.

Scotty

Captain!

Kirk

What is it?

Scotty

He's turned the engines off. They're completely cold. It'll take 30 minutes to regenerate them.

Uhura

[over the intercom] Entering planet's outer atmosphere, sir. Ship's outer skin is beginning to heat, Captain. Orbit plot shows we have about 8 minutes left.

Kirk

Scotty!

Scotty

I canna change the laws of physics! I've got to have 30 minutes!

Spock

I regret not having learned more about this Balok. He was reminiscent of my father.

Scotty

Then may heaven have helped your mother.

Spock

Quite the contrary. She considered herself a very fortunate Earth woman.

Scotty

Mr. Spock, you said a while ago that there were always alternatives.

Spock

Did I? I may have been mistaken.

McCoy

Well, at least I lived long enough to hear that.

Scotty

Captain, we've got to do something.

Kirk

We were doing something, until our brave lady stepped in and saved us.

Scotty

Thank heaven!

Spock

Mr Scott, there was no deity involved. It was my cross-circuiting to B that recovered them.

McCoy

Then thank pitchforks and pointed ears.

Scotty

When are y'gonna get off that milk diet, lad?

Chekov

This is vodka!

Scotty

Where I come from, that's soda pop. Now, this is a drink for a man.

Chekov

Scotch?

Scotty

Aye.

Chekov

It was invented by a little old lady from Leningrad!

Spock

Captain, Starfleet was able to divert that freighter.

Kirk

Good. That means Sherman's Planet will get its quadrotriticale [he looks around the Bridge]...only a few weeks late. I don't see any tribbles around here.

McCoy

And you won't find a tribble on this entire ship.

Kirk

Bones, how did you do it?

McCoy

I cannot take credit for another man's work. Scotty did it.

Kirk

Scotty! Where are the tribbles?

Scotty

Oh, er, Captain, it was really Mister Spock's recommendation.

Kirk

Of course. Spock.

Spock

Based on computer analysis, of course, taking into account the possibilities of -

Kirk

Gentlemen, I don't want to interrupt this mutual admiration society, but I'd like to know where the tribbles are.

McCoy

Tell him, Spock.

Spock

Well, it was Mister Scott who performed the actual engineering.

Kirk

Mister Scott. [slowly, for emphasis] Where are the tribbles?

Scotty

I used the transporter, Captain.

Kirk

You used the transporter?

Scotty

Aye.

Kirk

Where did you transport them? Scott, you didn't transport them into space, did you?

Scotty

Captain Kirk, that'd be inhuman!

Kirk

Well, where are they?

Scotty

I gave them a good home, sir.

Kirk

[exasperated now] Where?!

Scotty

I gave them to the Klingons, sir.

Kirk

[whisper] You gave them to the Klingons?!

Scotty

Aye, sir. Before they went into warp, I transported the whole kit and kaboodle into their engine room, where they'll be no tribble at all.

Scotty

I found this on Ganyroom...er, Ganymerean...mede.

What is it?

Scotty

Well, it's, er...(he looks for a label - there isn't one. He uncorks and sniffs it, and finally goes with the only thing he knows for sure about it)...it's green!

Scotty

What is it [the antidote]?

McCoy

It's a diluted theragen derivative.

Spock

Theragen-- a nerve gas used by the Klingons.

Scotty

Aye, and deadly, too. What are you thinking of, Doc? Are you trying to kill us all?

Scotty

I would say that she [Gem, the Empath] was a pearl of great price.

Kirk

What, Scott?

Scotty

Do you not know the story of the merchant? The merchant, who when he found one pearl of great price, went and sold all that he had and bought it.