James T. Kirk quotes from Star Trek: The Original Series

Nomad

You are the creator.

Kirk

But I admit, I am imperfect. How could I have created a perfect being like you?

Nomad

Answer unknown. I shall analyze... Analysis complete: Insufficient data to resolve problem.

Kirk

I am the Kirk, the creator?

Nomad

You are the creator.

Kirk

You're WRONG! Jackson Roykirk, your creator, is DEAD, you have mistaken me for him! You are in error!... You did not discover your mistake, you have made TWO errors. You are flawed and IMPERFECT. And you have not corrected by sterilization, you have made THREE errors!

Nomad

Error... Error... Error... Examine...

Kirk

We've got to get rid of it while it's trying to think.

Spock

Your logical was impeccable, Captain. We are in grave danger.

Kirk

How long before the Halkan prediction of Galactic revolt is realized?

Mirror Spock

Approximately 240 years.

Kirk

The inevitable outcome?

Mirror Spock

The Empire shall be overthrown, of course.

Kirk

The illogic of waste, Mr. Spock. The waste of lives, potential, resources, time... I submit to you that your Empire is illogical, because it cannot endure. I submit that you are illogical to being a willing part of it.

Mirror Spock

It is time.

Kirk

In every revolution, there's one man with a vision.

Mirror Spock

Captain Kirk, I shall consider it.

Mirror Spock

One man cannot summon the future.

Kirk

But one man can change the present.

Kirk

What I don't understand is how you were able to identify our counterparts so quickly.

Spock

It was far easier for you as civilized men to behave like barbarians, than it was for them as barbarians to behave like civilized men. I assume they returned to their Enterprise at the same time you appeared here.

Kirk

Probably. However, that Jim Kirk will find a few changes, if I read my Spocks correctly.

McCoy

Jim, I think I liked him with a beard better. It gave him character. Of course, almost any change would be a distinct improvement.

Kirk

What worries me is the easy way his counterpart fitted into that other universe. I always thought Spock was a bit of a pirate at heart.

Spock

Indeed, gentlemen. May I point out that I had an opportunity to observe your counterparts here quite closely. They were brutal, savage, unprincipled, uncivilized, treacherous; in every way, splendid examples of homo sapiens, the very flower of humanity. I found them quite refreshing. [he returns to the science station]

Kirk

I'm not sure, but I think we've just been insulted.

McCoy

I'm sure.

Kirk

Are you trying to get yourself killed? Do you know how much Starfleet has invested in you?

Spock

One hundred, twenty-two thousand, two hundred—

Kirk

Never mind. But… thanks.

Chekov

It makes me homesick. Just like Russia.

McCoy

More like the Garden of Eden, Ensign.

Chekov

Of course, Doctor. The Garden of Eden was just outside Moscow. A wery nice place. It must have made Adam and Eve wery sad to leave.

Kirk

[Sarcastically] Just....outside Moscow, all right.

[describing the planet killer] They say there's no devil, Jim, but there is. Right out of hell! I saw it!

Kirk

Matt, where's your crew?

On the third planet.

Kirk

There is no third planet.

Don't you think I know that?! There was, but not anymore! They called me, they begged me for help, 400 of them! I couldn't! I-I couldn't! [breaks into sobbing]

Kirk

Bones... ya ever hear of a 'doomsday machine'?

McCoy

No... I'm a doctor, not a mechanic.

Kirk

Mr. Spock, relieve Commodore Decker immediately. That's a direct order.

You can't relieve me and you know it, according to regulations...

Kirk

BLAST REGULATIONS! Mr. Spock, I order you to assume command on my personal authority as Captain of the Enterprise.

Spock

Commodore Decker, you are relieved of command.

I don't recognize your authority to relieve me.

Spock

You may file a formal protest with Starfleet Command, assuming we survive to reach a Starbase, but you are relieved. Commodore, I do not wish to place you under arrest.

You wouldn't dare.

You're bluffing.

Spock

Vulcans never bluff.

No. No, I don't suppose that they do. Very well, Mr. Spock, the bridge is yours.

Kirk

Spock, comment.

Spock

Very bad poetry, Captain.

Kirk

A more useful comment, Mr Spock.

Kirk

If we weren't missing two officers and a third one dead, I'd say someone was playing an elaborate trick or treat on us.

Spock

Trick or treat, Captain?

Kirk

Yes, Mr Spock. You'd be a natural.

Kirk

Did you pay royalties to the owners of those patents?

Well, actually, Kirk, as a defender of the free enterprise system, I found myself in a rather ambiguous conflict as a matter of principle.

Spock

He did not pay royalties.

Knowledge, sir, should be free to all!

Kirk

Who caught you?

That, sir, is an outrageous assumption.

Kirk

Yes. Who caught you?

I sold the Denebians all the rights to a Vulcan fuel synthesiser.

Kirk

And the Denebians contacted the Vulcans.

How'd you know?

Kirk

That's what I would have done.

It's typical police mentality. They've got no sense of humour. They arrested me.

McCoy

Oh, I find that shocking.

Spock

The guilty party has his choice: death by electrocution, death by gas, death by phaser, death by hanging...

The key word in your entire peroration, Mr. Spock, was..."death". Barbarians! Well, of course, I...left.

Kirk

He broke jail.

I, er, I borrowed transportation -

Kirk

He stole a spaceship.

The patrol reacted in a hostile manner -

Kirk

They fired at him.

They've got no respect for private property, they damaged the bloody spaceship!