James T. Kirk quotes from Star Trek: The Original Series

Kirk

Well, opinions?

Chekov

I think we're in a lot of trouble.

Kirk

That's a great help, Mister Chekov. Bones?

McCoy

I think Mister Chekov's right. We are in a lot of trouble.

Kirk

Spock? - and if you say we're in a lot of trouble -!

But what do I do? Kirk, I'm no scientist.

Kirk

No, you're an irritant. You'll stay here and provide a first-class example to the androids of a human failure. They'll learn by close observation how to avoid ones like you in the future.

How long?

Kirk

As long as you continue to be an irritant, Harry. It's up to you.

I suppose that taking everything into consideration, as it were, and noting all the different possibilities, I could manage. And as detention sentences go, this one isn't too uncomfortable. And I'm back in the galaxy again!

Kirk

Yes, you are. Oh, there's one more thing, Harry. We've programmed a special android attendant to take care of your every need. She'll help you find an incentive to work with the androids and not exploit them.

I call that unexpectedly civil of you, Captain.

Kirk

Yes.

[offscreen] Harcourt! [Mudd looks horrified] Harcourt Fenton Mudd, what have you been up to...?

Shut UP!

OH NO....KIRK, YOU CAN'T DO THIS TO ME! IT'S INHUMAN!

Kirk

[mockingly] Good-bye, Harry. HAVE FUN!

Believe me, Captain, immortality consists largely of boredom. What's it like out there in the galaxy?

Kirk

We're on a thousand planets and spreading out. We cross fantastic distances and everything's alive, Cochrane. Life everywhere. We estimate there are millions of planets with intelligent life. We haven't begun to map them. Interesting?

How would you like to sleep for a hundred and fifty years and wake up in a new world?

Kirk

Bones. [He starts to collapse] No, no, I'm all right.

McCoy

If you keep arguing with your kindly family doctor, you're going to spend your next ten days right here. If you co-operate, you'll be out in two.

Spock

[starting to rise from his bed] Doctor, I'll return to my station now.

McCoy

You are at your station, Mister Spock!

Kirk

Doctor McCoy, I believe you're enjoying all this.

Spock

Indeed, Captain. I've never seen him look so happy.

McCoy

Shut up! [to Kirk] Shh! Shh! [to camera] Well, what do you know? I finally got the last word.

McCoy

Oochy-woochy-koochy-coo.

Spock

"Oochy wootchy koochy coo," Captain?

Kirk

An obscure Earth dialect, Mr. Spock. Oochy-woochy-koochy-coo. If you're curious, consult linguistics.

Spock

The child was named Leonard...James...Akaar?!

McCoy

Has a kind of a...ring to it, don't you think, James?

Kirk

Yes. I think it's a name...destined to go down in galactic history, Leonard - what do you think, Spock?

Spock

I think you're both going to be insufferably pleased with yourselves for at least a month ... Sir.

Kirk

Total senility?

Spock

Yes, Captain. In a very short time.

Kirk

What a way to die. All right. I want all the research facilities, all the scientific technicians, to start round-the-clock research immediately. I want the answers, and I want the remedy. Let's start by finding out why Chekov hasn't been affected.

McCoy

I'm doing what I can. [to Spock] You're perfectly healthy.

Spock

[sitting up] I must differ with you, Doctor. I'm having difficulty concentrating, which is most disturbing. My eyesight appears to be failing, and the normal temperature of the ship seems to me to be increasingly cold.

McCoy

I did not say you were not affected, Mr. Spock! You are perfectly healthy...that is, for any normal Vulcan on the high side of a hundred!

Spock

Captain, Starfleet was able to divert that freighter.

Kirk

Good. That means Sherman's Planet will get its quadrotriticale [he looks around the Bridge]...only a few weeks late. I don't see any tribbles around here.

McCoy

And you won't find a tribble on this entire ship.

Kirk

Bones, how did you do it?

McCoy

I cannot take credit for another man's work. Scotty did it.

Kirk

Scotty! Where are the tribbles?

Scotty

Oh, er, Captain, it was really Mister Spock's recommendation.

Kirk

Of course. Spock.

Spock

Based on computer analysis, of course, taking into account the possibilities of -

Kirk

Gentlemen, I don't want to interrupt this mutual admiration society, but I'd like to know where the tribbles are.

McCoy

Tell him, Spock.

Spock

Well, it was Mister Scott who performed the actual engineering.

Kirk

Mister Scott. [slowly, for emphasis] Where are the tribbles?

Scotty

I used the transporter, Captain.

Kirk

You used the transporter?

Scotty

Aye.

Kirk

Where did you transport them? Scott, you didn't transport them into space, did you?

Scotty

Captain Kirk, that'd be inhuman!

Kirk

Well, where are they?

Scotty

I gave them a good home, sir.

Kirk

[exasperated now] Where?!

Scotty

I gave them to the Klingons, sir.

Kirk

[whisper] You gave them to the Klingons?!

Scotty

Aye, sir. Before they went into warp, I transported the whole kit and kaboodle into their engine room, where they'll be no tribble at all.

Kirk

Hold on, Spock. Out of the mouth of babes..

Who are you callin' a babe?

Kirk

I'm callin' you a babe.

You callin' me a babe?

Kirk

Yeah, I'm callin'- [Urchin produces a knife and holds it up to Kirk's face] I'm calling you a babe, but it's nothing personal.

Kirk

Are you afraid of cars?

Spock

Not at all, Captain. It's your driving that alarms me.

Kirk

Spock, you're alive!

Spock

Obviously, Captain.

Kirk

The only solution is what happened back then. A balance of power.

Leonard McCoy

And if the Klingons give their side even more?

Kirk

Then we arm our side with exactly that much more. A balance of power— the trickiest, most difficult, dirtiest game of them all, but the only one that preserves both sides.

There comes to all races, an ultimate crisis which you have yet to face.

Kirk

I don't understand.

One day our minds became so powerful we dared think of ourselves as gods.

Kirk

Bones? You could stop all this by saying no. That's why I called you all here together. We'll all be deeply involved. It must be unanimous.

McCoy

Then I'll still want one question answered to my satisfaction. Why? Not a list of possible miracles, but a simple basic understandable why that overrides all danger. And let's not kid ourselves that there is no potential danger in this!

Kirk

They used to say that if Man was meant to fly, he'd have wings. But he did fly. He discovered he had to. Do you wish that the first Apollo mission hadn't reached the moon, or that we hadn't gone on to Mars and then to the nearest star? That's like saying you wish that you still operated with scalpels and sewed your patients up with catgut like your great-great-great-great-grandfather used to. I'm in command. I could order this. But I'm not because Doctor McCoy is right in pointing out the enormous danger potential in any contact with life and intelligence as fantastically advanced as this. But I must point out that the possibilities, the potential for knowledge and advancement is equally great. Risk...risk is our business. That's what this starship is all about. That's why we're aboard her.