Data quotes from Star Trek: The Next Generation

Data

Have I been dreaming again?

Data

I am superior, sir, in many ways, but I would gladly give it up to be human.

William Riker

Nice to meet you... Pinocchio.

William Riker

A joke.

Data

Ah! Intriguing.

William Riker

You're going to be an interesting companion, Mr. Data.

Have you got some of a reason my atoms scattered all over space, boy?

Data

No, sir. But at your age, sir, I thought you shouldn't have to put up with the time, and trouble of a shuttlecraft.

Hold it right there, boy?

Data

Sir?

What about my age?

Data

Sorry, sir. If that subject troubles you...

Troubles me? What's so damn troublesome about not havin' died? How old you think I am anyway?

Data

137 years, Admiral, according to Starfleet records.

Explain how you remembered that so exactly.

Data

I remember every fact I am exposed to, sir.

I don't see no points on your ears boy, but you sound like a Vulcan.

Data

No, sir, I am an android.

Almost as bad.

Data

I thought it was generally accepted, sir, that Vulcans are an advanced, and most honorable race.

They are, they are, and damn annoying at times.

Data

Yes, sir.

Well, this is a new ship, but she's got the right name. Now you remember that you hear?

Data

I will sir.

You treat her like a lady, and she'll always bring you home.

Data

"There was a young lady from Venus, whose body was shaped like a..."

Jean-Luc Picard

[frantically cutting off Data] Captain to Security, come in!

Data

Did I say something wrong?

Worf

I don't understand their humor, either.

Data

For example, what Lutan did is similar to what certain American Indians once did called "counting coup." That is from an obscure language known as French. "Counting coup..."

Jean-Luc Picard

Mr. Data, the French language for centuries on Earth represented civilization.

Data

Indeed? But surely, sir...

William Riker

I suggest you drop it, Mr. Data.

Data

Yes, sir. "Counting coup" could be something as simple as touching an enemy with a stick in battle or taking something from him and escaping.

Data

[his fingers in a Chinese finger trap] Apologies, Captain. I seem to have reached an odd functional impasse. I am, uh... stuck.

Jean-Luc Picard

Then get unstuck and continue with the briefing.

Data

Yes, sir. That is what I'm trying to do, sir, but the solution eludes me.

Geordi La Forge

My hero.

Jean-Luc Picard

...where is this place?

Data

Where none have gone before.

Data

If the Enterprise were really this fragile, sir, she never would have left spacedock. Therefore, her systems' failures are not endemic to the ship, but are the result of the actions of an unknown adversary.

William Riker

We have a saboteur aboard.

Data

I believe I said that.

[booming voice] State... the... purpose. State the purpose of what you have done.

Jean-Luc Picard

I'm Captain Picard, commanding this Federation starship.

State the purpose of your visit here.

Jean-Luc Picard

We have sent down what we call an away team, to make peaceful contact here.

Do you plan to leave life-forms here?

Jean-Luc Picard

No. We are merely visiting here.

But you did more at the world you just left. Why have you left your own life-forms there?

Data

The colony we just planted, sir.

Jean-Luc Picard

We found that world uninhabited. The life-forms we left there had... had sought the challenge-- at least, that is the basic reason-- had sought the challenge of creating a new lifestyle-- a new society there. Life on our world is driven to protect itself by seeding itself as widely as possible.

Do not interfere with my children below.

Data

They were able to communicate with me quite...I was about to say quite easily but there was nothing easy about it. Fortunately, they stopped short of overloading my circuitry.

Jean-Luc Picard

You're saying they? So it is a vessel of some sort?

Data

Definitely not a single entity, if that's what you mean, sir, although they know the Edo worship them as a god thing.

Jean-Luc Picard

They know?

Data

They recognize that this is quite expected and harmless at the present Edo stage of evolution.

Jean-Luc Picard

What sort of vessel?

Data

It is perhaps not what we would understand as a vessel, sir. The dimensions this one occupies allows them to be... well, to be in several places at once, but they consider that this entire star cluster is theirs. It was probably unwise of us to attempt to place a human colony in this area. Of course, there are 3,004 other planets in this star cluster in which we could have colonized. The largest and closest...

Jean-Luc Picard

Data! Don't babble.

Data

Babble, sir? I am not aware that I ever babble, sir. It may be that from time to time I have considerable information to communicate, and you may question the way in which I organize it...

Jean-Luc Picard

Please, organize it into brief answers to my questions. We have very little time. Do they accept our presence at this planet?

Data

Undecided, sir.

Jean-Luc Picard

Data, please feel free to volunteer any important information.

Data

I volunteer that they are now observing us, sir.

Jean-Luc Picard

To judge what kind of life-forms we are?

Data

No. It is more curiosity. I doubt that they expect us to abide by their value systems.

Jean-Luc Picard

Do they know of our Prime Directive?

Data

They know everything I know, sir.

Jean-Luc Picard

And if we were to violate the Prime Directive...

Beverly Crusher

That's not a fair question.

Jean-Luc Picard

How would they react?

Data

That would be a case of judging us by our own rules, sir. If we violate our own Prime Directive they might consider us to be deceitful and untrustworthy. You do recall, they cautioned us not to interfere with their children below. What has happened?

Beverly Crusher

The Edo want to execute my son.

It is a gift from us with which we honor the hero of Maxia.

Jean-Luc Picard

Who?

Why you, Picard, of course. Do you not remember the Battle of Maxia?

Jean-Luc Picard

I'm sorry, I do not remember it, DaiMon Bok. Data?

Data

Captain, he may refer to an incident which occurred nine years ago in the Maxia Zeta star system, in which an unidentified starship-

UNIDENTIFIED?! That fine vessel was Ferengi!

Data

Which... you destroyed, sir.

William Riker

Your shields were failing, sir.

Jean-Luc Picard

Mm-hmm. I... improvised. With the enemy vessel coming in for the kill, I ordered a sensor bearing, and when it came into the return arc...

Data

You performed what Starfleet textbooks now refer to as the "Picard Maneuver."

Jean-Luc Picard

Well, I did what any good helmsman would have done. I dropped into high warp, stopped right off the enemy vessel's bow fired everything I had.

William Riker

And blowing into maximum warp speed, you appeared for an instant to be in two places at once.

Jean-Luc Picard

And our attacker fired on the wrong one.

Data

Hiya, Doc. What's cooking?

Beverly Crusher

You know I had some trouble getting through? Where's Captain Picard?

Data

He's on ice.

Beverly Crusher

Pardon?

Data

He's being grilled.

Beverly Crusher

What is he, a fish?

Data

It was raining in the City by the Bay-- a hard rain. Hard enough to wash the slime...

Jean-Luc Picard

Data!

Data

Sorry, sir.