Stanley · Season 3
[Stanley, Marci, Mimi, and Lester are making monkey noises in the yard, interrupting Lionel from writing his song.]
Stanley, what in the world are you doing?!
Oh, hi, Lionel. We're playing "Follow the Monkey".
"Follow the Monkey"?
Yeah! That's when you act like a monkey, and everyone else has to follow you around. Wanna play?
Sorry, Stanley. I'm way too busy. [grumbles]
[Lionel tries writing his song in the kitchen, but is interrupted by the kids acting like chickens.]
Stanley, what are you doing now?!
Playing "Follow the Chicken".
"Follow the Chicken"?
Yeah. That's when you act like a chicken, and everyone follows you around. Wanna play?
If I didn't want to play "Follow the Monkey", what makes you think I'd wanna play "Follow the Chicken"?
'Cuz in this game, you "bawk" like a chicken.
[Lionel leaves, grumbling.]
No, like this, Lionel! Bawk, bawk, bawk!
I guess he doesn't like chickens.
I know what I don't like. This jar.
It's not that bad, is it?
It's terrible! I miss my home!
Mom! Mom?
Yes, Stanley?
Dennis really doesn't like being in this mayonnaise jar.
I know just what he needs.
My bowl?
A pickle jar.
What do I look like, a gherkin?
[Lionel tries writing his song in his bedroom, but is interrupted by the kids acting like elephants.]
Stanley, what are you doing now?
Playing "Follow the Elephant".
"Follow the Elephant"?
Yeah! That's when--
Don't tell me. It's when you pretend you're an elephant and everyone follows you around.
Oh! You've played it before.
No, I haven't played it before, and I don't wanna play now!
It's because you don't like elephants, right?
No. It's because I was busy writing a really cool song, but I keep getting interrupted by monkeys, and chickens, and elephants following each other!
Uh, actually, the chickens don't follow the monkeys.
Sorry, Lionel, I didn't know.
Well, now you do, so keep it down! [goes back to his bedroom, slamming the door shut]
[Stanley is knocking at the door of Lionel's bedroom, joined by Dennis and the kōkako bird.]
Lionel, I have a surprise for you. [no answer] Lionel, I'm here to help you with your song. [the door opens and Stanley peeks in] Lionel?
Oh, he doesn't seem to be in.
Look! There's the song he was working on. Let's surprise Lionel by finishing it for him.
I don't know if this is such a good idea, Stanley.
It's not a good idea. It's a great idea! And when it's all done, I'll bet Lionel will want to play with me!
[Stanley walks over to Lionel's bed. He sets Dennis and the bird down as he picks up the paper and pencil.]
Okay, little kōkako. You sing a song, and I'll write down the notes.
[The kōkako suddenly snatches Lionel's song from Stanley, and takes off.]
Hey!
Well, I guess he didn't like it.
We have to catch him before he flies away!
No worries, there, Stanley. The kōkako isn't a very good flyer.
[The kōkako hurries out the door on foot.]
It is a very good runner, however.
Come on!
[Stanley picks up Dennis and goes after the kōkako, but is stopped when Lionel shows up with a sandwich.]
WAAH!
[angry] What are you doing in my room, Stanley?
[nervously] Um, I... Uh... I... Nice sandwich.
Thanks. It's good brain food to help me finish my... song!
[Lionel has noticed his song wasn't on his bed.]
[angry] Stanley, where's my song?
The kōkako has it?
The what-ako?
The kōkako. It's a musical bird that I brought over to help you write your song.
[smug] Right...
Yeah, to help you write.
[annoyed] No. Not "write" as in, "put words on paper". "Right...", as in a sarcastic response meaning, "Hey, I don't really believe you!"
But it's the truth!
[threateningly] Stanley. Get. My song.
Right. I mean, okay.
[Stanley is trying to pull Lionel's song away from the kōkako.]
Give it back! It's my brother's song! He needs it!
[Stanley keeps tugging on the paper, until it rips in half, leaving Stanley with only one half of the song, while the kōkako leaves with the other half.]
Oh, no!
Well, half a song is better with no song, isn't it?
[Lionel is looking for Stanley in his room. He opens his closet and looks in it.]
There's no use in hiding, Stanley. Give me back my song.
[Stanley jumps out of the book with the torn half of Lionel's song. He approaches Lionel.]
Hi, Lionel.
[Lionel gets startled, and jumps in the closet.]
AAAH!
[chuckles]
Where did you come from?
I was just getting your song back.
Well, where is it?
[Stanley nervously presents the torn half of the song to Lionel.]
Well... Here.
[Lionel grabs the half from Stanley. He is horrified.]
My song! Where's the other half?!
I just wanted to help you.
Why do you have to always mess everything up?!
It wasn't me! It was the bird-- The book-- The kōkako!
[fed up] That's it.
[Lionel grabs Stanley's book.]
What are you doing?!
[Lionel heads to Stanley's door.]
I've had enough of you, and your silly animals, and your silly book.
[Lionel leaves Stanley's room, and makes his way back to his room.]
Hey, come back with my book!
[Stanley chases after Lionel.]
Lionel! Give it back!
No way! I've got a lot of work to do, and I don't need you acting like an aardvark, or a guinea pig, or some goofy bird to mess it up! [slams the door shut]
Lionel, give me my book! [yelling furiously] I WANT MY BOOK!!! MOM!!! DAD!!!
Aw, man. I'm never gonna write the rest of this song. I really wish I could go. I can't write a song here. I can't do anything here. If I lived someplace nice and quiet, I could write a song. I could write a million songs. But, no. I have to live here with my pain-in-the-neck brother.
[As soon as Lionel sits down in his chair, the book opens. Lionel sees a picture of the Arctic circle in the book.]
[astonished] Whoa! Look at that! Now that looks like a perfect place to write a song. No noise, no bothers, and no brothers. I wish I lived someplace like that.
[Right on cue, a swirling vortex opens in the book, and Lionel falls in.]
WHOOOOAAAAA!
[Lionel pops out of a snowy hill, dressed in a parka. He has been teleported to the Arctic.]
Where am I? STANLEY!!!
[Stanley approaches his parents, who are in the kitchen, sitting at the table.]
Something wrong, Stanley?
Lionel took my book!
Well, just go and ask for it back.
He won't give it back! He says he's busy, and I keep annoying him with animals!
Why don't you go talking to him about it?
He won't listen me! He doesn't even like me!
Stanley, you know your bother loves you.
No, he doesn't. He doesn't even like being around me. He says I bother him all the time and I always mess things up. Even when I'm trying to help him.
Stanley...
It's true, Dad! He doesn't like animals and he doesn't like me!
Listen, Stanley. Brothers argue sometimes, but it doesn't mean they don't like each other, does it?
Yes! Maybe. I don't know.
Doesn't Lionel do things that annoy you sometimes?
Yeah! Like when he takes my book.
But that doesn't mean you don't like him anymore, does it?
Yeah! ...Well, no.
And just because Lionel's annoyed at you, doesn't mean he doesn't like you.
I guess.
Why don't you head back upstairs and try talking to Lionel? I'm sure you two will be able to work it out.
[Stanley knocks at Lionel's door and peeks into his room. Lionel's chair has been turned over, and Stanley's open book lying on the floor, next to it.]
Lionel? Lionel? Lionel! Are you here? [goes into Lionel's room and spots his book] Hey, my book! I'm taking my book back, Lionel! [no answer] That's weird.
[Stanley props Lionel's chair back up and looks into his book.]
What's that? [he sees a picture of Lionel's headphones in the snow] Those are Lionel's headphones. What are Lionel's headphones doing in--[horrified] Oh, no! Lionel fell into the Great Big Book of Everything!
What happened out there, guys?!
It wasn't my fault, dude!
Well, it wasn't my fault!
Yes, it was!
No, it wasn't!
It was you!
It wasn't me, it was you!
Guys, we don't have much time! Just tell me, what happened?
Stanley...
We broke the Great Big Book of Everything.
[Harry and Elsie start crying.]
[shocked] What?
All the pages in the book fell out and got all mixed up!
[Stanley and Dennis encounter an angry Tyrannosaurus rex.]
Pardon me while I do this. [screams hysterically]
[after leaving the Great Big Book of Everything] There were walruses, and glaciers, and turtles, and jungles, and birds, and deserts... and your goldfish could talk! That was one extreme dream.
Sounds cool, dude.
You bet it wa-- What?! Hey, you talked! Whoa. Maybe it wasn't just a dream. Maybe it all really happened. Speak to me, dog! Speak!
Ruff.
But... but... but... nah, couldn't be.
[last lines] It's been said before, but I'll say it again: there's no place like home.
These quotes come from Wikiquote's Stanley pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.
