TV show quotes
I don't get it. Why did Walter want to work alone? Does he not like us or something?
I don't think he likes anybody. Look!
[Walter is walking by himself.]
I don't know, Mimi. He likes wolves.
Yeah, but wolves are mean.
What if Walter likes wolves 'cause he's mean and scary, too?
Or what if he is a wolf?
You mean like a werewolf?
A... werewolf?!
Yeah. I've heard they're half human and half wolf.
[While Stanley is at the pet shop with his mother, Dennis is anxiously pacing about his bowl.]
Oh, my... Oh, dear... He's gone off to the pet shop again, hasn't he?
Yes. I saw him drive away with his mother a few minutes ago.
And not just the pet shop, dude. I heard him say, "the pet fish shop".
Then there's no doubt about it! Stanley is shopping for a new best friend fish!
Now, Dennis, there's no need to jump to any conclusions about this.
Jump to what? I didn't see Dennis jump.
Jump to conclusions means to make up your mind up about something before you know all the facts.
[sadly looking in a mirror] I should have known this would happened someday. I guess I'm just not as gold as I used to be.
Oh, Stanley would never replace you, Dennis. [jumps down onto the floor, and joins Harry on the bed] You're his favorite fish in the whole world.
That's exactly what I always thought. But the evidence is clear.
Evidence? What's that?
Evidence is something that helps you make a judgement about something. For instance, my fins, and gills, and the fact that I live in water are evidence I'm a fish.
But, Dennis, just because Stanley's been taking all his money to the pet shop, doesn't mean he's gonna buy a new fish.
Hmm, perhaps. But whenever I ask him why he keeps going to the pet shop, all he says it's a "big surprise". And what could be a bigger surprise than being replaced by another fish?!
A bicycle?
Now, really, Harry. What would a fish do with a bicycle? No, it's time I face it. Stanley wants a new best friend. Probably one of those little zebra fish or something. Fish with a little more pizazz than an average old run-of-the-mill goldfish like me. Huh. I can see it now.
[Dennis imagines Stanley talking to a more fancy-looking fish taking his place in his fishbowl.]
And then after dinner, I'll read some comic books to you. After that, we can tell jokes and draw pictures.
Why, thank you, Stanley! Oh, I know I'm just gonna love being your new best friend!
[Next to the fishbowl is Dennis in a glass of water, sad that he's been replaced.]
"New best friend", indeed. I gave that boy the best years of my life.
[Stanley and his friends are getting ready for their picnic.]
[holding a clipboard] Basket full of tasty treats?
Check.
Mm-hm. A bag full of fun games?
Check.
A big old comfy blanket?
Check.
A group of friends eager for a day of fun and food?
Check!
We have everything we need for our very own picnic.
This is so cool. I love eating outside.
Yeah! Outside tastes great!
First thing we need to do is set up. Here. Everybody take a corner of the blanket so we can lay it down.
[The kids each move a corner of the blanket, when Mimi sees the flowerbed on her side.]
No, Stanley! I wanna sit here!
[Mimi tugs on the blanket, pulling Stanley.]
Whoa!
Near the flowers!
No! I wanna sit by the swing!
[Marci pulls on her side of the blanket, tugging Stanley and Lester across the ground.]
Whoa!
No! Let's sit over here!
[worried] Oh, be careful with the blanket.
[irritated; tugging on her side of the blanket] No, the grass is wet there! A wet blanket is no fun!
[Lester grunts as he tugs harder on his side of the blanket, until a corner of it tears. Lester is flung backwards]
Mimi! [looks at the torn corner of the blanket] A ripped blanket is no fun either.
[Stanley hears Harry howling and barking from inside the house. He runs out through the dog door, followed by Elsie. Harry yelps as he hits the bag of games, and crashes.]
[winces] Ooh!
[panting] Hey, man! I hope you guys didn't start your picnic without us!
Nope. We haven't started yet.
Per-r-rfect. Wake us up when you're done, then.
[Harry and Elsie fall asleep.]
Come on, guys. We can't pull the blanket in different directions. We gotta work together.
[sets a corner of the blanket down] Nah. This is good enough. [sits down] Let's just eat.
[fits a handkerchief around his neck] Well. Now what shall we eat?
[The kids all talk at once.]
Animal crisps!
I want tuna fish!
Peanut butter sandwiches!
[annoyed] Come again?
I think I heard "sandwich" in there somewhere.
That was me! Let's eat peanut butter sandwiches!
I don't like peanut butter. I like tuna fish.
You know, I invented peanut butter sandwiches. It's kinda like peanut butter and jelly sandwiches, but you leave out the jelly. You're gonna love it.
[Stanley takes out the animal crisps as he stares at Lester with confusion.]
Can I have the other slice now, Marci?
Okay.
[However, Marci hands Lester the slice of bread with tuna fish on it, rather than a matching half of peanut butter. Lester slaps both halves of the sandwich together.]
There. A perfect peanut butter sandwich. Take a bite, Stanley.
Thanks, Lester. [takes a bite of the sandwich and reacts with shock and disgust] Yuck! There's tuna fish in here!
[confused] There is?
[also confused] Uh... Yeah. What do you think is in the tuna fish sandwich? Peanut butter?
Here, Stanley. Wash it down with some tea.
[Stanley takes a sip from the teacup, only to find out it's empty.]
Uh, Mimi, there's no tea in here.
[pretends to take a sip from her teacup] Yeah. It's pretend tea, Stanley.
Maybe we should decide what to eat together.
[disgusted] I hope it's not peanut butter and tuna fish. [sniffs the sandwich] I don't think they go together. Yuck!
[She tosses the sandwich aside. It lands next to Lester, who looks down at it with confusion.]
No, I mean... [sighs] Let's just eat the animal crisps, okay? They're nice and easy.
[However, when Stanley gets up to give his friends the animal crisps, he trips on a folded section of the blanket, knocking into his friends, dumping the food everywhere.]
Whoa!
[panics] Look out!
[The animal crisps fall down around Dennis.]
Oh, my. It's raining cows and sheep. [takes out an umbrella]
What happened?!
The blanket attacked me!
Look at this mess! The blanket's ripped and there's food everywhere!
[looks into his jar of peanut butter; gets upset] There's tuna fish in my peanut butter!
[looks into her tray of tuna fish; gets angry] There's peanut butter in my tuna fish!
[Stanley loses his temper and jumps up and down with rage.]
OUR PICNIC IS RUINED!!!
[The kids stare at Stanley with shock, while Dennis sinks to his bowl, upset about the situation.]
Well, I know a book that might have the answer.
And I know what that book is.
Yes! Um... My diary.
But is it a great big diary?
With everything inside?
Well, it does have all my thoughts on life... especially how I feel about a certain song!
[Stanley, Marci, Mimi, and Lester are making monkey noises in the yard, interrupting Lionel from writing his song.]
Stanley, what in the world are you doing?!
Oh, hi, Lionel. We're playing "Follow the Monkey".
"Follow the Monkey"?
Yeah! That's when you act like a monkey, and everyone else has to follow you around. Wanna play?
Sorry, Stanley. I'm way too busy. [grumbles]
[Lionel tries writing his song in the kitchen, but is interrupted by the kids acting like chickens.]
Stanley, what are you doing now?!
Playing "Follow the Chicken".
"Follow the Chicken"?
Yeah. That's when you act like a chicken, and everyone follows you around. Wanna play?
If I didn't want to play "Follow the Monkey", what makes you think I'd wanna play "Follow the Chicken"?
'Cuz in this game, you "bawk" like a chicken.
[Lionel leaves, grumbling.]
No, like this, Lionel! Bawk, bawk, bawk!
I guess he doesn't like chickens.
I know what I don't like. This jar.
It's not that bad, is it?
It's terrible! I miss my home!
Mom! Mom?
Yes, Stanley?
Dennis really doesn't like being in this mayonnaise jar.
I know just what he needs.
My bowl?
A pickle jar.
What do I look like, a gherkin?
[Lionel tries writing his song in his bedroom, but is interrupted by the kids acting like elephants.]
Stanley, what are you doing now?
Playing "Follow the Elephant".
"Follow the Elephant"?
Yeah! That's when--
Don't tell me. It's when you pretend you're an elephant and everyone follows you around.
Oh! You've played it before.
No, I haven't played it before, and I don't wanna play now!
It's because you don't like elephants, right?
No. It's because I was busy writing a really cool song, but I keep getting interrupted by monkeys, and chickens, and elephants following each other!
Uh, actually, the chickens don't follow the monkeys.
Sorry, Lionel, I didn't know.
Well, now you do, so keep it down! [goes back to his bedroom, slamming the door shut]
[Stanley is knocking at the door of Lionel's bedroom, joined by Dennis and the kōkako bird.]
Lionel, I have a surprise for you. [no answer] Lionel, I'm here to help you with your song. [the door opens and Stanley peeks in] Lionel?
Oh, he doesn't seem to be in.
Look! There's the song he was working on. Let's surprise Lionel by finishing it for him.
I don't know if this is such a good idea, Stanley.
It's not a good idea. It's a great idea! And when it's all done, I'll bet Lionel will want to play with me!
[Stanley walks over to Lionel's bed. He sets Dennis and the bird down as he picks up the paper and pencil.]
Okay, little kōkako. You sing a song, and I'll write down the notes.
[The kōkako suddenly snatches Lionel's song from Stanley, and takes off.]
Hey!
Well, I guess he didn't like it.
We have to catch him before he flies away!
No worries, there, Stanley. The kōkako isn't a very good flyer.
[The kōkako hurries out the door on foot.]
It is a very good runner, however.
Come on!
[Stanley picks up Dennis and goes after the kōkako, but is stopped when Lionel shows up with a sandwich.]
WAAH!
[angry] What are you doing in my room, Stanley?
[nervously] Um, I... Uh... I... Nice sandwich.
Thanks. It's good brain food to help me finish my... song!
[Lionel has noticed his song wasn't on his bed.]
[angry] Stanley, where's my song?
The kōkako has it?
The what-ako?
The kōkako. It's a musical bird that I brought over to help you write your song.
[smug] Right...
Yeah, to help you write.
[annoyed] No. Not "write" as in, "put words on paper". "Right...", as in a sarcastic response meaning, "Hey, I don't really believe you!"
But it's the truth!
[threateningly] Stanley. Get. My song.
Right. I mean, okay.
[Stanley is trying to pull Lionel's song away from the kōkako.]
Give it back! It's my brother's song! He needs it!
[Stanley keeps tugging on the paper, until it rips in half, leaving Stanley with only one half of the song, while the kōkako leaves with the other half.]
Oh, no!
Well, half a song is better with no song, isn't it?
[Lionel is looking for Stanley in his room. He opens his closet and looks in it.]
There's no use in hiding, Stanley. Give me back my song.
[Stanley jumps out of the book with the torn half of Lionel's song. He approaches Lionel.]
Hi, Lionel.
[Lionel gets startled, and jumps in the closet.]
AAAH!
[chuckles]
Where did you come from?
I was just getting your song back.
Well, where is it?
[Stanley nervously presents the torn half of the song to Lionel.]
Well... Here.
[Lionel grabs the half from Stanley. He is horrified.]
My song! Where's the other half?!
I just wanted to help you.
Why do you have to always mess everything up?!
It wasn't me! It was the bird-- The book-- The kōkako!
[fed up] That's it.
[Lionel grabs Stanley's book.]
What are you doing?!
[Lionel heads to Stanley's door.]
I've had enough of you, and your silly animals, and your silly book.
[Lionel leaves Stanley's room, and makes his way back to his room.]
Hey, come back with my book!
[Stanley chases after Lionel.]
Lionel! Give it back!
No way! I've got a lot of work to do, and I don't need you acting like an aardvark, or a guinea pig, or some goofy bird to mess it up! [slams the door shut]
Lionel, give me my book! [yelling furiously] I WANT MY BOOK!!! MOM!!! DAD!!!
Aw, man. I'm never gonna write the rest of this song. I really wish I could go. I can't write a song here. I can't do anything here. If I lived someplace nice and quiet, I could write a song. I could write a million songs. But, no. I have to live here with my pain-in-the-neck brother.
[As soon as Lionel sits down in his chair, the book opens. Lionel sees a picture of the Arctic circle in the book.]
[astonished] Whoa! Look at that! Now that looks like a perfect place to write a song. No noise, no bothers, and no brothers. I wish I lived someplace like that.
[Right on cue, a swirling vortex opens in the book, and Lionel falls in.]
WHOOOOAAAAA!
[Lionel pops out of a snowy hill, dressed in a parka. He has been teleported to the Arctic.]
Where am I? STANLEY!!!
These quotes come from Wikiquote's Stanley pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.
