Dana Whitaker quotes from Sports Night

Jeremy

There are countries other than ours.

Dana

Yes, there is, for instance, Belgium, to name but one.

Jeremy

Dana, do you have the first idea how to operate any of this equipment?

Dana

This is called an owner's manual, my friend, and I've read it cover to cover.

Jeremy

I've read Doctor Zhivago cover to cover. It doesn't make me the czar.

Dan

I have gifts for you.

Dana

That wasn't necessary.

Dan

I think it was. You once took a trip to Napa and you visited a small vineyard there. You told me you tried some wine that you loved and could never find it anywhere. I thought I remembered the name but I wasn't sure. Is this it?

Dana

[surprised] Yes.

Dan

Good! I always like wine with cheese.

Dana

I know.

Dan

I wanted to get you some cheese. There's a great cheese place over on Second Avenue. I went over there after I got the wine but it's gone... there's a hardware store there now.

Dana

That's okay.

Dan

I got you some spackle.

Dana

There's no question that there's a way to look at this where it's my fault.

Jeremy

What's another way to look at it?

Dana

There's no other way to look at it.

Isaac

How do you think Dana would feel about it?

Casey

Dana?

Isaac

Yeah.

Casey

Ah, who knows with Dana. One day she's up, another day she's down. That's girl's nuttier than a squirrel's cheeks in October. The point is... she's standing right behind me, right?

Dana

I cannot believe you.

Casey

Wait.

Dana

You went over my head.

Casey

I can explain this.

Dana

How?

Casey

I went over your head.

Dana

Casey!

Casey

Hey, I'm just trying to be courteous, okay? I didn't want to interrupt your dancing.

Dana

And you just sat there?

Isaac

It's my desk!

Dana

Stand there. I'm gonna sack you.

Jeremy

Okay, I need just another moment of your time, then you can go back to being crazy.

Dana

My brother can beat up your brother.

Natalie

My brother's a grad student in comparative literature. My mother could beat up my brother.

Dana

Any new word?

Dan

He's still alive if that's what you're asking.

Dana

Oh, man.

Natalie

Dana!

Dana

Hey, you think there's any chance he was gay?

Natalie

Dana!

Dana

It would make a better story.

Natalie

He's on his death bed.

Dana

I am about to make this man the most famous 7th place archer in the history of sports. I think the very least he can do is die in a timely manner... and be gay.

Dana

"Momentarily" does not mean "in a moment."

Here's two dissolving to three.

Dana

It means "for a moment."

Jeremy

Yes.

Dana

That makes me crazy.

Jeremy

We've been wondering what the source was.

Dan

The one that he wanted was you anyway.

Dana

Wanted?

Dan

All this is doing is making him feel a lot less like the man he is, which is why he left Lisa in the first place. I know what he wants, and I gotta say, he's done a pretty good job of going after it, which isn't, like, the most natural thing in the world for Casey to do. And I know what you want, and all I've seen you do is hide behind this psychotic behavior all dressed up as cute. He wanted you, and he told you every possible way he could. You've just been hanging out in the men's room.

Natalie

You're letting him make you crazy.

Dana

I'm not letting him make me crazy. I haven't given him permission or anything. He does it all by himself.

Dana

Guess where I've been.

Jeremy

Church.

Dana

You see? He knew.

Jeremy

I was standing right here.

Dana

Are you growing a beard?

Isaac

No.

Dana

Did you shave this morning?

Isaac

No.

Dana

Why?

Isaac

I like an electric razor.

Dana

You should buy one.

Isaac

I have one. I have four.

Dana

You have four electric razors?

Isaac

Yes.

Dana

Why?

Isaac

I like them.

Dana

Is your electricity not working?

Isaac

Esther baby-proofed the house.

Dana

Matthew's here! I totally forgot. When was the last time you saw him?

Isaac

About nine months ago, before the stroke.

Dana

Matthew's here!

Isaac

The kid can't even walk yet - why are we locking the medicine cabinets?

Dana

Does he crawl?

Isaac

Not up walls, no!

Dana

How did you know Time Warner was gonna drop out at 27?

I didn't.

Dana

You did.

I guessed.

Dana

You didn't guess, you had information.

I had a lot of information. That's what makes me good at guessing.