SpongeBob SquarePants · Season 3
“Just One Bite” · Season 3
In this episode: Squidward (5), Abrasive SpongeBob (4), Frank (1), Customers (1)
Hey, everyone! Squidward says he doesn't like Krabby Patties! Haw!
[Everyone laughs]
Don't encourage them! They'll never leave.
Sorry, Squidward, it's just so funny! You know what we say.
"The only people, who don't like a Krabby Patty, have never tasted one".
SpongeBob, if I were trapped at the bottom of a well, for three years, with nothing to eat but that Krabby Patty, I'd eat my own legs first! [walks out from behind the counter] And not just the extra ones. [walks off as SpongeBob follows]
But it's good for you!
[turns around] Good for you?! That thing is a heart attack on a bun!
No, Squidward, I meant... good for your soul. [background turns to a heaven-like sky and SpongeBob wearing wings and a halo and doves are seen flying in the background and a choir is heard]
Oh, please! I have no soul! [background turns to fire, and flying bats and evil laughter are heard. Squidward is surprised, stopping those effects, and looks to the viewer's left. He walks off]
Give me that! [to SpongeBob] When I die, you stay away from my funeral.
What do I have to do? Eat one out of the garbage?
[with a big belly walks up to the trash can with a partially eaten Krabby Patty] I wish I could eat this, but I'm so darn full. Oh well. [drops the patty in the garbage]
I had to say garbage... but, okay! [runs to the garbage can. He sees the Krabby Patty. He inhales deeply and eats almost everything in the garbage can. When he lifts up his head, he suddenly realizes the Krabby Patty ends up being the only thing left in the garbage. He extends his tongue, revealing all the trash he ate. He spits out what's in his mouth and grabs the Krabby Patty]
Oh no! [runs over and grabs it out of Squidward's hand] What's this doing here?! This patty should be cremated! [runs to the furnace, throws it in, and cries. Squidward walks up] I know you didn't like him, but... it means so much that you came. [runs off and Squidward cries]
Hmm, honey...? [wakes up] What? [groaning] Ohh! I have got to get my hands on a Krabby Patty! And no one's gonna stop me! [runs out of his house, panting, but tiptoes past SpongeBob's house, then pants some more to the Krusty Krab, putting his face up against the door] There it is unguarded! All I have to do is--! Wait, it's too easy. There must be some kind of security? [sees dripping coming from above the door inside and looks up and notices a bucket] This is our burglar alarm? A bucket of water? Ha-ha. [walks in, knocking the bucket off the door] That was too easy. [sniffs] Hey, this isn't water. This is gas! [A robotic arm with an ignited match drops it, lighting a screaming Squidward on fire, who runs all the way into the kitchen, where another bucket of gas falls on him and then fire is seen again, as he screams again in pain. Finally, he walks up to the Patty Vault, wide-eyed, and opens the door to reveal hundreds and hundreds of Krabby Patties. In later TV airings, after Squidward says "There it is...", the camera zooms in on the Patty Vault, and Squidward does the same routine after the zoom in; he gasps] Holy shrimp! I don't know where to start. [picks up a patty] All that matters is that it's just you... and me... and nobody...
Squidward? [Squidward's face drops] Is that you?
[turns around] SpongeBob? Uh, uh, uh... what are you doing here? [points at SpongeBob. While pointing at him, he notices he's showing the patty in his hand and puts it behind his back again]
[takes off his green hat] I always come to work at 3:00 AM. This is when I count the sesame seeds. What are you doing here?
Uhh, I forgot my...
And why is the patty vault open?
Oh, I thought that...
And why are you holding a patty behind your back?
I... I... I... no, I didn't do...
And why are you acting so nervous? And why are you sweating so much? And why do you look so hungry? And... [stops, and grins very smugly]
No, no, wait...it's not what you think. Th-This is a big misunderstanding. You've got to believe me, I... Listen, I am telling you! You better listen to me, SpongeBob!
You like Krabby Patties, don't you, Squidward?
[slams the vault door, and emerges from the big piles of Krabby Patties happily] Yes! Yes! I admit it, SpongeBob! I LOVE KRABBY PATTIES! [eats two patties]
SpongeBob I knew it all along, Squidward. No one can resist a Krabby Patty. [Squidward eats a bunch of Krabby Patties in all sorts of ways, even a dozen at a time] Squidward! How many are you eating? Squidward! [Squidward keeps eating all the Krabby Patties in the vault, Pac-Man style] Squidward, you can't eat all those patties at one time! SQUIDWARD!
What's gonna happen? Am I gonna blow up?
No, worse - it'll go right to your thighs!
My thighs? [pan down showing Squidward's enlarged thighs]
...and then you blow up!
[Then the Krusty Krabs explodes. We see the ambulence carrying Squidward's head while the physician carries a bucket of Squidward's body]
[chuckles] I remember my first Krabby Patty...
[Episode ends]
These quotes come from Wikiquote's SpongeBob SquarePants pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.
