Kyle, Sgt Yates and others in “Miss Teacher Bangs a Boy”

Kyle

Hello, my name is Brad. I need to report a crime-anonymously.

Okay, Brad, what's the crime?

Kyle

I attend South Park Elementary, and one of the teachers is having sex with a student.

[pause for a moment, then a dramatic uproar] Oh my God! [Sgt Yates and Murphy stand near Kyle, Murphy is holding a notebook]

You did the right thing telling the police, Brad. So who is this teacher? What is his name?

Kyle

Well, it isn't a guy teacher, it's a woman.

[sounding surprised] A woman? But she's ugly, right?

Kyle

Well, no, not really. It's the kindergarten teacher, Miss Stephenson.

[even more surprised] The blonde?

Kyle

Yeah.

Miss Stephenson is having sex with a student?

Kyle

Yeah.

Nice. You're sure they've had sex?

Kyle

Yes.

Has she performed oral sex on him?

Kyle

I think so.

Nice.

Wait, what's the crime?

The crime is she's not doing it with me! [policemen laugh]

Kyle

Hey! He's totally underage! She's taking advantage of him!

You're right, we're sorry. This is serious. We must find this kid and... give him his "Luckiest Boy in America" medal right away! [policemen laugh again. Kyle screams in frustration and runs off]