Pleased to meet'cha... . I'm your son.
Son? SON? Gee, I... yeah, but, but, but how? Ubbuh... When? Who?
Evelyn... Your ex-wife, remember?
How c'n we have a son? We weren't married that long.
Well, it doesn't take that long.
All S1
Characters
RickyRicky Schroder · 40 quotes
EdwardJoel Higgins · 16 quotes
Derek TaylorJason Bateman · 11 quotes
Kate Summers-StrattonErin Gray · 3 quotes
Most scenes together: Ricky & Edward (12), Ricky & Derek Taylor (9), Ricky & Kate Summers-Stratton (3)
S1 E15Unfinished Business
You still looking at that stupid picture?
You call this picture stupid once more, and your tooth fairy's gonna need a wheelbarrow!
Come off it, creep-face! You told me you were gonna go live with your father and you'd never have to come back here again. Well you're here, just like I told ya... He probably took one look at you and threw you out, just like your mother did.
You know, Derek, now I see why all your gerbils commit suicide!
Why aren't you in military school? They finally kick you out?
Yeah. They got mad 'cause I took a look at Colonel Baxter's wife.
What's so bad about that?
She was in the shower at the time.
Derek, the lady is 74 years old!
It was still worth it.
I still have to punish you.
Look, Dad, that won't be necessary now.
Oh yes, it will. Because I don't want you to forget that it's wrong to be mean and inconsiderate. So, except for meals, you will stay in your room for two days.
Oh, Dad.
Son, this hurts me more than it does you.
How can it hurt you?
I won't have anybody to play with.
[to his grandfather] You know, I feel bad for you. For my dad, too. It's almost as if he doesn't have a father, and you don't have a son. [He walks toward the door] I went without my father for 12 years and I really missed him. And I can't believe that you don't miss your son.
SGrandpa Stratton
Edward, would you care to go to the ball game?
Well... I don't know. Yeah. Let's go! [runs to the door, then runs back] Wait a minute, wait a minute. [He grabs a baseball cap and a glove] In case of foul balls. [runs out the door]
I'm sure it's just a phase.
At lunchtime, Dad, he even tasted my food.
Was that necessary, Mr. T?
TMr. T
Look, man - you hired me because I'm the best in the world, and I never lost a client. If there's a gun, I take the bullet. If there's a knife, I take the blade. I don't work for people I ain't willing to die for - and besides, that food in the cafeteria will kill ya!
He scared the classroom, he scared the school teacher - and worst of all, he got a hundred on a history test!
TMr. T
Hey, man - I don't hold back for nobody!
Dad, I was wondering. Are you a monk?
What do you mean?
It's just that I've been here a while now, and you haven't gone out on any dates.
Well, son, I -- I thought it was important that I try to spend as much time as possible with you. Besides, I wasn't sure how you'd feel about me dating.
Come on, Dad. I wasn't born in the woods, you know. I understand when a man has needs.
You do?
Yeah! Sure, I have needs, too. I'm just too young to do anything about 'em.
I can't believe it. I finally met the woman of my dreams, and she dumps me. I'm only 12. Do you realize how many years I have left to be miserable?
I guess you got my letter, huh?
EEvelyn
I certainly did. And when I read that you had left military school to live with your father, I -- well, I shrieked. And people do not shriek in Switzerland.
No, they yodel.
EEvelyn
How I've missed that sweet, little sarcastic sense of humor. I can't imagine where you got it.
You know, I haven't forgotten... there was a time when I was wildly and madly in love with you.
EEvelyn
And I felt the same way about you. You were charming and romantic, adventurous... and you had great buns.
Had?
EEvelyn
Our marriage was really something, wasn't it?
Yeah. Six unforgettable days.
AArnold
Hey, Ricky!
Hi, Arnold!
AArnold
Well, there you are... this week's copy of The Weekly Woodpecker! Check out the headlines!
"Room 12 Gets New Blackboard."
AArnold
Not that headline... this one.
"Computer Whiz Kid Breaks Military Code."
AArnold
Rather catching, isn't it?
Yeah, nice job, Arnold! I think it's important for the people to know this. It's just too easy to get military information with a computer... But you didn't mention my name, right?
AArnold
Hey, I always keep my sources anonymous!
"This information was furnished by Ricky Stratton, who prefers to remain anonymous."
AArnold
See?... Aw, Rick, I needed that story. I've never made the front page before, and my editor wouldn't print it without the details!
Well, at least you didn't print a picture of the plane.
AArnold
I guess you haven't gotten to page 3 yet.
[ Ricky looks at page 3 of the paper ]
Arnold, you shouldn't have done this! We can get into big trouble for this, Arnold!
AArnold
What trouble? It's a sixth grade newspaper! Who's gonna see it?
[ Ricky and Arnold hear a knock on the door ]
VVoice
[behind the door] Open up! This is the FBI!
If you're ever in any kind of trouble, no matter how bad - whether it's a broken window, getting a bad grade... treason... whatever it is, I want you to know you can always come to me. We'll handle it together.
That wasn't funny, Derek.
Maybe not to you, but from this side of the headstone, it was hilarious.
These quotes come from Wikiquote's Silver Spoons pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.