I'm that guy now, that pathetic old guy that no one guards because he can't make a basket.
You're not old-old, honey, but every athlete slows down a bit. Maybe you just need to change up your game.
Has Brady slowed down? No, he just won the Super Bowl last year. Tiger Woods? No. He won the Masters.
Those guys are freaks of nature pampered and coddled by an army of trainers and nutritionists.
Not to mention the performance-enhancing drugs.
Brady doesn't use performance-enhancing drugs.
Uh-huh, sure he doesn't.
Look, you can't compare yourself to professional athletes, Kev. Hell, I ran a 5.2 40 in high school, and now I can barely finish a 5K.
Or touch your toes.
[Chuckles] Did you run a 5K?
Well, I didn't say I ran it. There was some walking involved.
And an Uber.
It's testosterone. Men lose one percent every year after the age of 30.
Really, one percent?
You never had any to begin with, so don't worry about it.
It's not me. It's my shitty shoes.
Your shoes?
Yeah, all the players are wearing Kobes and Jordans and LeBrons. [Turns laptop around] This is what I need right here.
[Whistles] $350?
Impact cushioning and instant responsiveness plus easy entry.
That a shoe or a fat hooker?
Absolutely not.
But, V, my old shoes are fucking up my shitting rhythm.
It's not the shoes, honey. You're just getting old. You just said I wasn't getting old. For $350, you old as shit, Bernie Sanders old, Harry Belafonte old.
Well, I'm still buying 'em.
Not with our money, you're not.
It's my money too.
We're on a budget, Kev. What do you suggest we skip this month, food or electricity?
All right, fine. You don't want to help me reclaim my manhood, that's just fine. Then I'm gonna earn my own money, and I'm gonna buy these shoes.
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