Did you finally bugger Berger?
How long have you been waiting to say that?
It just occurred to me.
Yes, we finally buggered.
[clapping] Yay!
[to Charlotte] You realize you're now applauding intercourse?
All S1
S1 E15Unfinished Business
[about Carrie's disappointing sex with Berger] Dump him. Fuck me badly once, shame on you. Fuck me badly twice, shame on me.
Is that the saying?
That's my saying.
Someone should tell Crazy that owning a hot glue gun does not make you a hot purse designer.
[whispering] Don't call her crazy!
Look at this. I'd rather carry a colostomy bag.
Ladies, these aren't bags, they're baggage. We are standing among the ruins of her last relationship. And it was one ugly breakup.
I resent this. The only one who should have to pay for a bad relationship is the person in your next relationship.
Doesn't that waiter look familiar?
I fucked him.
[sarcastically] Oh! That guy!
Oh, good morning, Mrs. Collier. I'm a Jew now. How are you?
I'm afraid we want different things. You want to tell me all about you, and I don't want you to tell me all about you. It spoils the fantasy.
SSmith
That's harsh.
Yeah, I am harsh. I'm also demanding, stubborn, self-sufficient, and always right. In bed, at the office, and everywhere else.
[Berger is shocked by the price of a Prada shirt]
TTony (Prada sales guy)
But you will wear forever.
BBerger
Yeah, I'd have to! Does it also somehow open into a small studio apartment?
[looking at her appointment book] Shit, motherfucker, fuck, shit.
There's a "Shit, motherfucker, fuck, shit" situation?
I have to go to the theater!
They finally made that mandatory?
A new play in Brooklyn. Jerry's in it.
So it's children's theater?
Oh, I think that's sweet.
It's not sweet, it's pathetic how far a gal will go for a good fuck.
SSmith
[looking at his Absolute Hunk billboard in Times Square] Fuck me!
Well, that's the first thing every woman in town will be saying after she sees it.
SSmith
It's huge!
And that's the second.
[on the phone] So how's it going with that guy, Hot Dog?
Berger.
[Miranda managed to fit into her "skinny jeans"]
How'd you do it?
Well, I got pregnant, became a single mother, and stopped having any time to eat.
Oh, that's a diet I won't be trying.
BBilly
All we're saying is there really is no good way to break up with someone, is there?
Well, it's funny you should mention that, Billy, because actually, there is. You can have the guts and the courtesy to tell a woman, to her face, that you no longer wanna see her. Call me crazy, but I think that you can make a point of ending your relationship in a manner that does not include an e-mail, a doorman, or a missing persons report. I think you could all get over your fear of looking like the bad guy and actually have the uncomfortable break-up conversation, because here's what: Avoiding that is what makes you the bad guy! And just so you know, Alan—
AAndrew
Andrew.
Uh-huh. Most women aren't angry, irrational psychos. We just want an ending to a relationship that... that is thoughtful and decent and honors what we had together. So my point, Billy, is this: There is a good way to break up with someone, and it doesn't include a Post-it!
I tried the trapeze yesterday for that piece that I'm writing.
I could never! I have the most terrible fear of heights.
Well, I do not. You've seen my shoes.
[wearing her wedding dress] It's okay?
Okay? You're Audrey Hepburn... owitz!
I am so sick of these people with their children. I'm telling you, they're everywhere! Sitting next to me in first class, eating at the next table at John Schu—
[A child runs by]
Look at that. This place is for double cappuccinos, not double strollers. [glances at Miranda] I'm sorry.
Hey, no need to apologize. I wouldn't bring Brady here. Mommy needs two hands to eat her $8 cake.
You're not gonna defend children?
No, I don't like any children but my own.
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