And what if I did do it? Even though I admit to nothing, and never will. What does that make me? And I'm not here just defending myself but all those pickers out there who've been caught. Each an' every one of them, who has to suffer the shame and humiliation because of people like you. Are we not human?! If we pick, do we not bleed?! I am not an animal!
All S1
S1 E15Unfinished Business
I don't wanna go to a miniplex multi-theater!
It's the same movie! What's the difference?
It's not a theater, it's like a room where they bring in P.O.W.s to show them propaganda films.
Hey, you know what else is playing here? "Rochelle Rochelle."
Ugh.
I wouldn't mind seeing that.
Yeah, you know, men can sit through the most boring movie if there's even the slightest possibility that a woman will take her top off.
So what's your point?
Well, birthdays are merely symbolic of how another year's gone by and how little we've grown. No matter how desperate we are that someday a better self will emerge, with each flicker of the candles on the cake we know it's not to be. That for the rest of our sad, wretched, pathetic lives, this is who we are to the bitter end. Inevitably, irrevocably. Happy birthday? No such thing.
I'm disturbed, I'm depressed, I'm inadequate, I've got it all!
Looking at a cleavage is like looking at the sun. You don't stare at it. It's too risky. You get a sense of it and then you look away.
Men are obsessed with cleavage. It doesn't matter how many times we've seen these things. Every time these objects are presented to us, we have to look. We cannot not look. To men, cleavage is like the nearest thing to a nearby UFO landing. That's what it is.
I've been outed. I wasn't even in!
Everyone thinks we're gay!... Not that there's anything wrong with that.
SSid
Oh, her. She steals from me. Steals my money. She says she doesn't speak English. My ass, she doesn't speak English. Plays that freakin' "voodoo" music and tries to hypnotize me. She thinks she's gonna turn me into a zombie and then rob me blind. Well, I wasn't born yesterday. I may drop dead today, but I sure as hell wasn't born yesterday! Now get the hell out of my house!
Aren't [postal workers] the guys that always go crazy and come back with a gun and shoot everybody?
[ominously] Sometimes...
Why is that?
Because the mail never stops. It just keeps coming and coming and coming, there's never a let-up! It's relentless! Every day it piles up more and more and more! And you gotta get it out! But the more you get it out the more it keeps coming in! And then the bar code reader breaks! And it's Publisher's Clearing House day!
You know, sometimes when I think you're the shallowest man I've ever met, you somehow manage to drain a little more out of the pool.
TTimmy
What are you doing?
What?
TTimmy
Did…did you just double-dip that chip?
Excuse me?
TTimmy
You double-dipped the chip!
Double-dipped? What are you talking about?
TTimmy
You dipped the chip, you took a bite, and you dipped again.
So?
TTimmy
That's like putting your whole mouth right in the dip! From now on, when you take a chip, just take one dip and end it!
Well, I'm sorry, Timmy...but I don't dip that way. [slowly takes a chip]
TTimmy
Oh, you don't, huh?
No. You dip the way you want to dip...[tastefully bites the chip] I'll dip the way I want to dip. [defiengly dips the chip again]
TTimmy
Gimme the chip! [he and George fight over the chip]
Who's gonna turn down a Junior Mint? It's chocolate, it's peppermint; it's delicious!
That's true.
It's very refreshing!
Over the balcony, bounced off some respirator thing into the patient!
What do you mean "into the patient?"
Into the patient, literally!
Into the hole?
Yes, the hole!
Didn't they notice it?
No!
How could they not notice it?!
Because it's a little mint. It's a Junior Mint.
W-What did they do?
They sealed him up with the mint inside.
They left the Junior Mint in him?
Yes!
I guess it can't hurt him... People eat pounds of those things.
They eat them, they don't put them next to vital organs in their abdominal cavity!
These quotes come from Wikiquote's Seinfeld pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.