Happy Quinn quotes from Scorpion

Um.. why are you here? Lots of us are away from home for the first time. I am. And I miss my real sisters, and I think this place might be good for me. And everyone here is so nice...Except you. You're kind of mean and sarcastic. [pause] Have you ever gotten homesick? Wouldn't it be nice to have a surrogate family?

Happy Quinn

I've thought about it from time to time.

Well, you can't truly have one until you lower that shield of yours.

Happy Quinn

I thought you could check one thing off your college bucket list.

Toby Curtis

We're going streaking?!

Happy Quinn

The dance, dummy.

Toby Curtis

What are you doing?

Happy Quinn

Letting down my shield.

Cabe Gallo

Earthquake?

Happy Quinn

No, that was pressure crack from concrete at least 15 feet thick.

Happy Quinn

I know my concrete.

Happy Quinn

OK, that's the mark. And you gotta nail it.

Toby Curtis

Here goes.

Not good.

Happy Quinn

It's alright. It's just an accident.

Toby Curtis

Who are you and what have you done with Unhappy Quinn?

Happy Quinn

You got his favorite soup? Tea?

Ralph Dineen

Everything that you said.

Happy Quinn

OK, good boy. pays Ralph for baby-sitting Toby

Ralph Dineen

You always yell at Toby. Why'd you want me to do all this?

Happy Quinn

The truth is, I'm falling for the guy.

Ralph Dineen

Eww, gross.

Happy Quinn

I know, right?

Walter O'Brien

Come on, Toby, this is hazelnut creamer!

Toby Curtis

And that's a table, and that's a chair. I'm pretty good at this game.

Walter O'Brien

You wrote "hazelnut" in front of creamer again on the grocery list. I hate hazelnut!

Toby Curtis

People like flavored creamers.

Walter O'Brien

Creamer is a flavor and you could have just written a different item under it.

Toby Curtis

You could just relax. Don't be such a creamer-screamer.

Walter O'Brien

I'm not screaming, though I could very easily if you don't stop that nonsense you've been pulling.

Toby Curtis

Really?

Walter O'Brien

Yes.

Paige Dineen

OK.

Walter O'Brien

Absolutely.

Paige Dineen

OK, this has gotta end.

Walter O'Brien

What does?

Sylvester Dodd

You two fighting constantly lately.

Cabe Gallo

She's right. You two argue like an old married couple.

Walter O'Brien

He's intentionally antagonistic.

Toby Curtis

Actually, I'm half antagonistic, on my mother's side. But my father? One hundred percent oppositional.

Walter O'Brien

Over the past weeks, your antics have gone from petty annoyance to overtly combative.

Toby Curtis

Objection. Inflammatory.

Paige Dineen

Overruled.

Toby Curtis

Objection. You can't make that call. You two are sweet on each other.

Objection!

Toby Curtis

OK, if we're gonna play kangaroo court: I have to go out of pocket to sweeten my java because all we normally have here is regular creamer.

Happy Quinn

That honey is from Kovelsky's, it's free.

Toby Curtis

Immaterial.

Paige Dineen

You know what? You both suck. Your bickering is making everyone miserable.

Sylvester Dodd

Copy that.

Paige Dineen

You're being sent to couple's therapy.

Happy Quinn

Awesome!

Walter O'Brien

What? No.

Toby Curtis

I'm with jerkface.

Paige Dineen

Well, too bad. I manage this ball club.

Cabe Gallo

You heard the judge.

Hey, I got a pair of jet skis for O'Brien.

Happy Quinn

Let's get out of here before you get fired.

Toby Curtis

Yep.

Toby Curtis

I don't often play the med school card, but I went to Harvard.

Happy Quinn

Seriously?

Toby Curtis

First thing when you wanna get something out of someone: make them comfortable. Don't say anything blunt or harsh. In other words, Happy, don't be yourself.

Happy Quinn

I'd be offended by that if it weren't so true.

Toby Curtis

It's not the first time that the mentally enabled got hoodwinked for believing everyone's as straightforward as we are.

Sylvester Dodd

Ostracized for being too smart. You know, it's Mensa all over again!

You've been discriminated against before for being a genius?

Sylvester Dodd

Sort of. Picked on.

Toby Curtis

Treated different.

Happy Quinn

Shut out.

Sylvester Dodd

But not discriminated against.

Uh...Who here has the law degree?

Toby Curtis

I hope that was rhetorical.

Toby Curtis

What's up Honey Bear Kitten Pie?

Happy Quinn

Nothing, you Stupid Dummy Moron Jerk.

Happy Quinn

We can do it.

Toby Curtis

Really? What makes you think you can handle a switcharoo Indiana Jones couldn't pull off? A giant boulder almost crushed him.

Walter O'Brien

Who's Indiana Jones, a state senator?

Happy Quinn

We won't have to go in there thanks to old RANDY here.

Cabe Gallo

Randy?

Happy Quinn

Radiation And Nuclear Deployment Yeoman.

Walter O'Brien

How 'bout VIRGIL? VIrtual Reality Gyroscopic Laborer?

Sylvester Dodd

HOWARD. Humanoid-Out-Wandering-About Radiation Device.

Happy Quinn

Heh heh heh, his name's Randy.

Happy Quinn

Last time you did this?

Cabe Gallo

Thirty years ago.

Happy Quinn

Wow, I'm not even thirty.